Pen pals l SeongSang

Letter

Dearest, Yeosang.

I'm beginning to think you and I were made to be complete opposite and to the point where even our families are opposite. Sunday in bed all day? Definitely not the way it was in my house. I'm not saying it's bad thing, it was the way of your house and we had the way of my house. But I do think I ended up a winner here, you know, knowledge wise haha. Although, if your dad joins you to watch TV on Sunday mornings then you definitely win.

I can't explain why but I sense a hint of sadness when you talk about how your family didn't go out a lot. Do you wish it would have been different? What did your family do then? Did you have any traditions or something like that? How about vacations, holidays? You must've gone on holiday, what did you do then? I already know you didn't walk around, sightseeing haha.

I think I see where you're coming from now when you say that your friends love you for who you are and not because they're used to being around you since they were born. But I know a lot of siblings that even after being born and raised in the same home still grow up to hate each other. Or classmates that I've heard saying family will always be there, no need to take care of them. Well, that just makes my blood boil, I'll always be someone who puts family first.

Thank you for the virgin comment, that really made me feel at ease and proud of myself. But on a more serious note, to put it your way, yes, I did love hanging out with my new group of friends.  I'm not at your level of the day is too short when I'm with them but before you speculate, I'll tell you why. It's because they were already a group before I joined so they have so much more history together. It's not that I feel left out because they really make sure to always include me but they still have a lot more years together than me and it shows.

But I've decided I'm not going to let that take me down, they're such a fun group to be around and they're very quite endearing. There are so many different dynamics within the group that it's very to watch as an outsider. Even though I "got in" through some other friends, I think I'm starting to develop a closer bond with another boy in the group.

I have to be honest with you, your depiction of me makes me sad. Who wants to be a paranoid, stressed about his future boy forever???? Not me... Maybe once I finish my studies, I'll be good to go, you know? I'll have a degree and with that I can sart working, making money and do the things I want. Now that sounds like a stress free plan.

Once again, you make a compelling point and I believe I understand your view on having to go through hard times in order to enjoy the good ones, but I don't know if it's my soft nature and just gullible self but I'm always going to try and go through life without going through bad times. If dancing made me happy I'd go check out the first dancing studio I could find right away. Why waste time and delay happiness? I know it could bring more happiness in terms of "size of feeling" but I'd much prefer a little happiness every day along the way.

Happy to hear you're doing okay.

Hope it stays like that,

Mars. 

🌺

Sweet, Mars.

I don't think I know our families are completely different. Sundays at my house were kids in front of the TV, mom and dad in bed, not a bad way to end the week to be honest, but you're right, I guess I didn't learn as much as you did when you were out hiking with your dad.

No, we did not vacation a lot and no, we didn't go out a lot in our town either. Birthdays deserved restaurants, sometimes, and once every three or so years my dad would finally take us to a beach resort for like three days. But other than that, we mostly stayed in our town. We used to go on holidays more often when me and my brother were younger and at that time, my parents loved to rent a car and take us to tour the town or find activities to do but then my dad lost his job and now, I can barely remember the last time I went on holiday with my whole family.

And yes, I guess I'm a bit sad when I think about it. Which is why I don't.

Damn, you sound like you should be on a soap, having a heartbreaking discussion about the importance of family. It sure sounds like you've spent a lot of time thinking about this. Any reason why family means so much to you? Or just the fact of having been raised in a healthy household? On my part, I haven't thought about it that much, I don't know what family means to me other than caregivers, sibling and people I've always known.

I get it, it's normal to feel a bit weird because they've known each other more but just like you're finding out with that other boy, there are some people who click instantly. And I'm sure that even though they've known each other longer, if they've accepted you in the group it's because they like you and don't see you as an outsider. It may take some time for you to fully feel integrated into the group but that's okay. I had the same thing with my own group, it was just me and Wooyoung until we got into college and he was the one who brought the rest of the friends.

At first I felt left out because he had an extra course where he met my friend San as well as Jongho and he started hanging out with them more. Then next semester Jongho was with us in another course as well as Mingi where once more, Wooyoung connected us all but I still felt left out. We met Yunho in another course and San then brought Hongjoong. So little by little I got more and more confident inside the group. It also helped that I had a course with just me, Mingi and Yunho so our bond got stronger.

Anyway, all of that to say that like you said, don't give up. It sounds like you found a good group.

About your stress free plan? I don't think you've thought it through haha. Once college ends you're probably going to be so busy applying to jobs, going on interviews, finding a place to live, etc. And once you do start working you're not going to be making as much money as you think, my poor sweet Mars. You're going to be under constant stress, always in a bad mood and just barely getting on. Sorry to burst your bubble...

About that whole happiness and dancing, let's just agree to disagree? I feel like our philosophies don't align and never will haha.

Best wishes,

Yeosang.