Vent book

I hate myself

Why does he yell at me like this?all I said was I dident wanna hand out w her cuz I have school tmr and I wanna b in my bed and I said no and he tells me to watch my fucking mouth and that I'm talking to family.
Like no shit Sherlock,who else am I talking to?does he not understand the YEARS of sadness I've been through?like when I was younger I would LITERALLY BEG for her to play with me and she never did.you know how long I've been doing that?FOR MY ENTIRE Fucking LIFE.I BEG AND BEG FOR HER TO HANG WITH ME AND SHE NEVER WANTS TO.IM SO DONE.I GET BULLIED IN SCHOOL FOR THIS FUCKING UNIBROW AND MUSTACHE THAT IM TOO SCARED TO ASK MAMI AND PAPI TO GET RIB OF,I CHANGED MY LOOK BECAUSE I THINK I LOOK A LITTLE BETTER LIKE THAT AND MY COUSIN WANTS TO SAY WHY IM COPYING HER.IM SORRY I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM DAMN,IVE ALREADY TRIED CUTTING MYSELF AND YOU JBOW WHAT?IT FELT GOOD OKAY?BUT I THRE OUT THE SHARP EDGE I WAS USING BUT WHEN I THREW IT OUT I CRAVED TO CUT MYSELF AGAIN.IVE GOTTEN NO ATTENTION WHAT SO EVER BY MY FAMILY.YES THEY FO BUY ME STYFF BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IM HAPPY.ALL IW ANT IS SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH.
NO ONE LOVES ME.MY CRUSH DOESN'T LOVE ME,MY FRIENDS PROB TALK AB ME BEHIND MY BACK,THE TEACHERS DONT LIKE ME BECAUSE IM GAY,WHAT DID I DO?LIKE GENUINELY!
IS IT BECAUSE IM UGLY?MY FAMILY EVEN SAYS 'awww look how skinny she's gotten she hasn't aten for two hours' LIKE DAMN.IM NOT THAT FAT.THAT DOES NOT HELP WITH MY SELF ESTEEM ISSUES.