Never Knew

Chapter 20 - Three is a lucky number

Ashton's POV

**3 months later** 

I didn't understand much about love before I met her. I guess I still don't, considering the madness that went through my brain but if there's one thing, I've learned it's that you don't take advantage of the one who's willing to let herself be loved by you, she gave me her trust and I doubted it. 

I was in the middle of computer class, a ball of guilt swirling in my stomach. Three months had passed since Evelyn miscarried what would've been someone that would've bonded us forever. I was sick to my stomach about it. Three months without her love, three months without touching her, because of my poor decisions and lack of judgment, how could I have messed up this awfully? Again?

I would text Evelyn constantly to no avail, she wanted nothing to do with me after she got better, or at least that's what she made it seem like. But she couldn't hide from me forever, I wouldn't let her. She's mine, she'll always be mine and she knows it. I wasn't going to let anyone touch her the way I did, and the thought maddened me. I kept thinking of the way I would see Jax stare at her, the way I'd catch a new emotion in his eyes every time he was around her. I clenched my fists at the thought. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and as I looked up, I saw ringlets of red curls. 

"Don't fucking touch me, Nicky." I spat, rubbing her hand away from my shoulder as if she was a pest. She scoffs, not expecting such constant rejection from me. She sits in front of me by the cafe and I start getting up from my chair not wanting to be around her when she and I were the reason I wasn't with the love of my life. 

"We helped each other Ash, you can't deny that." She says, crossing her slim arms. 

"No, the fuck we didn't. You're nothing to me and my brother is incredibly lucky he doesn't have to deal with you anymore." I say, through gritted teeth walking away. Immediately I felt like I had portrayed those words harsher than I meant to, actually, no I meant them how I said it.

I lack the distinction of someone who has the non-impulsive gene in their body. So, I text Evelyn once more. 

**Are you coming to Molly's party tonight** 

I text her, probably looking as desperate as ever for a glimpse of her affection. It was agonizing, knowing I'm the reason there's a drift in presence. Knowing her love and indulging in it, it's bliss. So once Evelyn rips it away and you experience her cold side, it makes you feel like you don't matter anymore. Her affection, her love, makes you feel like you're on top of the world it truly makes you believe you're special somehow in this blimp of time and space. I don't know if I've genuinely smiled for the past three months. Even when she was giving me a cold shoulder, she'd send words of encouragement to my phone when I would tell her I was hurting about the miscarriage. She was selfless in that way.

I pictured her dark brown hair almost reaching down to her bottom now, longer than ever. I pictured her slim, manicured fingers holding a cigarette and the smoke revealing her freckled nose. Those eyes, that looked so much like the ocean we'd gaze at together. 

**Maybe.**-Evelyn.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited to see her, it had been incredibly long since I last saw her, and she stayed off social media this whole time. I couldn't help but wonder if she would look different, sound different. Evelyn had stopped going to the bonfires as well, which weren't the same without her. I'd get resentful and jealous of Jax because I knew they were spending time together, never alone but with her friends. I know this because Gianna would post pictures of all of them together, that's the only way I knew that Evelyn hadn't changed that much in appearance, but still, I wondered. Like I said her lack of presence in my life was a melancholic experience.