What The Heart Wants (Sebastian Vettel)

52. Broken

Laura led Jessie inside the house, kicking the front door shut behind them. She then took her through to the lounge and they both sat down on the sofa. She took Jessie in her arms.

"Oh my sweetheart, whatever's the matter?" she asked. Jessie couldn't answer. Now she'd started crying she couldn't stop.   Her body had failed her again.  She'd failed Seb, and now she had to face the rest of her life without him. 

Laura's eyes filled up with tears as she listened to the daughter she loved so much sobbing her heart out in her arms.   What could possibly be wrong?

Jessie cried and cried until she had no more tears left to cry. Even when she'd stopped her body was still shaking in her mother's arms.  

"Where's Seb?" Laura asked gently, feeling a sense of dread building up inside her.   Had something happened to her daughter's beloved husband?

"I've left him," Jessie said, so quietly Laura thought she must have misheard. 

"You what?"

"I've left him," Jessie repeated. 

Laura sat bolt upright. She held Jessie at arms length, staring at her incredulously. She'd left Seb?   But she loved him so much!  Why would she have left him?

"What did he do?" Laura demanded.  "I swear to God if he's cheated on you....he might be as handsome as hell but I will hunt him down and I will rip his genitals off and put them them in the blender before spoon feeding them to him."

"He didn't," Jessie said wearily.  "He's done nothing wrong.   It's me.  I'm the problem."

Suddenly everything fell into place.  Laura sighed.  "It's because you can't have a baby isn't it?"   Jessie nodded, sniffing loudly.

"He's better off without me.   He deserves to be with someone that can give him a family.  A child of his own, not an adopted one.   Don't get me wrong, adoption is a great thing and..."

Her voice trailed off.  Laura put a hand on Jessie's knee and squeezed it.  "He's not Joel you know.   He wouldn't leave you because of it.  He knew the score when he married you.  He loves you so much."

"I know he's not Joel.  He'd stay with me forever, and I can't do that to him.   He deserves to be a dad.   He deserves to have a little boy that looks just like him, or a little girl with his blue eyes and golden curls.   He deserves the world and I can't give it to him."   She burst into tears again. 

"Oh my sweetheart."    She understood how Jessie felt, but she also knew that her leaving Seb was a mistake.    She would never heal her heart because Seb was her one, the one she was meant to be with.  And she knew Seb would never get over Jessie.    Never before had she seen a couple so in love, apart from herself and Thomas of course.

"Oh darling, of course you'll feel that way. There was a time I felt that way about being with your dad too."

"There was?" Jessie looked her mum in the eye, surprised by her admission.

"Yes, after our first attempt at IVF failed I thought that maybe he'd be better off without me. I couldn't do it though. I realised that the only place I wanted to be was with him. And look what happened. We had you!"

"But that was different Mum. You'd had one failed attempt then. I have had five now, already lost one husband because of it, although that was a blessing in disguise. I can't go through IVF again Mum, I just can't. I'm not strong enough."

"Have you told Seb this?"

"I have, and he said it's ok, that he's happy adopting, but I can't stop him from having his own children! No matter what he says I know he still wants that more than anything."