What The Heart Wants (Sebastian Vettel)

6. For Better, For Worse

Jessie walked slowly down the aisle, putting one foot in front of the other.  She could already see Seb turning his head to try and sneak a first look at his bride. 

She had a big smile on her face, but inside her stomach was churning.  She knew she had no right to feel jealous, and she didn't actually know why she did feel that way, but feel that way she did. 

It wasn't because she had feelings for Seb.  She loved Joel!  Maybe it was because Seb and Ava were at the start of their journey, while she and Joel were going through a tough time.  

Months earlier they'd undergone their fertility tests and Jessie's fears had been confirmed.  She was the problem, not Joel.  Joel had a perfectly normal sperm count.  She had an abnormally shaped uterus which the doctors said made it all but impossible for her to fall pregnant naturally.   
They were due to start IVF treatment the following month, but she knew that was no guarantee, her Aunt Emma was proof of that.

Forcing herself to focus on the job she was there to do, she pushed her infertility issues out of her head and focussed on the two men stood at the end of the aisle. Seb and Joel. Both looked so handsome in their suits, although she was disappointed to see that Seb had shaved his beard off, not that it was anything to do with her. She knew Ave wasn't a fan of it, she'd said as much multiple times.  Seb had obviously been under orders to be clean shaven. 

She smiled encouragingly at Seb as she reached the end of the aisle. Then she made eye contact with Joel. He smiled at her and she smiled back, memories of their own wedding day flooding into her mind...

***

Wiltshire, January 2014

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Jessie's best friend and bridesmaid, Katie, asked her as they waited in Jessie's childhood bedroom for the wedding car to arrive.

Jessie had been a bag of nerves all morning, and Katie had picked up on it.  

"Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be?" she replied. "I love Joel, he loves me."

"I don't know. I just get the feeling your heart isn't 100% in it Jessie. I've known you for twenty years, and something doesn't feel right."

"I'm just nervous, that's all. It's the day I've dreamt about since I was a little girl."

"But is it? You always said you wanted a beach wedding."

"As long as I'm marrying the man of my dreams I don't care where it is."

Jessie didn't know if she was trying to convince Katie or herself.

She loved Joel, she really did.  He was the most amazing man, he made her feel loved and cherished. They'd  been each  others world for nearly five years now.  They wanted to have a family one day.  It was only natural that they got married.  It just seemed so...final. 

An image of Seb appeared in her head.  Seb, Joel's best friend.  Joel's best man.   Her dear friend.  Why was she thinking about him? 

She'd had a brief crush on him years ago but that's all that it had been.  He'd had a girlfriend at the time, then she'd got together with Joel.  

They'd grown even closer when she'd taken over from Carol as his press officer, playing pranks on the team, getting drunk after his championship wins, he was like the brother she'd never had. 

"Jessie, talk to me.  What's wrong?"

"Do you like Joel?"

"Of course I do, he's a great man.   But that's no reason for you to marry him if it's not what you want."