A smile just for me

Getting bad

Over the weekend Tendō had resorted to gobbling down the maximum amount of pills he could. His mother noticed the mass amount of pain killers he was taking- he assured her that he just had a really bad migraine.Honestly, Tendō wasn't really in any physical pain, non that would warrant this amount of medication anyway, he just knew that these particular tablets tended to make him hazy and sleepy. God knows he needed some sleep.He took the pills and within an hour he finally got some sleep- even if it was just a little nap, Tendō appreciated it.He'd been running on nothing but pure caffeine, but recently he hasn't been able to force himself to drink any coffee or energy drinks either- feeling sick at the though of ingesting anything.

If he couldn't get any caffeine into his body then he was screwed.He wasn't sleeping, eating or exercising so he was losing some muscle. I'm rotting awayThings that didn't tire him before suddenly became huge tasks- even going to school was difficult and exhausting.He had to use his time smartly- making the best of any small random bursts of energy.Tendō found himself outside of your house at 3AM.Just watching.He stated there until he felt sleepy again, that's when he wandered back home, sneaking into the house and slipping back into his bedroom.Before he knew it the sun was shining in his face through his blinds and his alarm was blaring- but his body didn't want to react.Whatever was in those pills he took sure made him sleepy. Maybe I should try and get some sleeping pills- They'll work quicker and only make me sleep for the amount of time I need. These painkillers just make me drowsy all day——————————

He knew that he should go home- he's always done that. Go straight home after school.Especially these last few weeks when it's been difficult for him to stay fully awake and focused in public.However, even with all that anxiety at the back of his mind, he still chose to wander behind you at just enough of a distance that you couldn't see him.It gave him such a rush.Sometimes you kind of helped soothe him. He was grateful for those times- but he found it strange how you were the only cause to his stress yet the only solution too.

Should I confront her about it? But what if that makes it worse-

She has the power in this situation What if she wants to keep hurting me? I don't even know what I want.I don't want her to leave me alone but she's the one that causes all this.

Over the past few days he'd been thinking while in and out of his hazy state: what if she's purposefully doing this to me?Then, as the pills kicked in, his thoughts went to more obscure places.

What if I don't exist? What if I'm making this all up? What if she doesn't exist? What if nothing exists

The thoughts didn't last too long- he'd fell into a deep sleep pretty quickly.——————————They clearly knew something was up with him- did they just not care?Was he not worth the trouble?Was it worth him even helping himself?Maybe he wasn't. Maybe he kind of deserved this in a way- people would have helped by now if they gave a shit.Instead of help he gets bombarded by ignorant and rude jokes. His friends branded him 'lazy' while laughing for not taking part in volleyball, they giggled as they called him a social recluse because he didn't meet up with them anymore. His constant sleepiness seemed to piss them off.Why do you reply so late''You never text back''You're such a pain in the ass, why do you always cancel plans last minute?''You sleep so much''You're so lazy''You don't even come to school''Why are you so tired if all you do is sleep?'He tried to push himself- he really did....but he felt judged.How was he supposed to have a good time with a bunch of people who seemingly found his suffering funny? Do they know how bad it is? How hard it is for him to get up in the morning? He felt so fucking unwanted- so why would he go?
He didn't care if he was being moody- they were being inconsiderate and mocking him.

Fuck them Fuck all of them

He'd debated on just smashing his phone to get the anger out- who would notice anyway? No one fucking texts him, no one checks up on him. I could be laying dead for weeks and no one would realise