A smile just for me

Ostracise

He was speaking less and less- using his voice a little more sparingly every day.School had become a game of avoiding everyone. He couldn't be bothered with Semis constant questioning and sly digs over Tendōs unreliability, he didn't care for Reons fake concern or Ushijimas awkwardly worded speeches that lead nowhere.He didn't care.Well- he did, he just found himself becoming more and more irate. He'd never been someone to turn on his friends, hell , he couldn't remember a time he resented any of them....but these past few weeks it seems that he just can't force himself to see these people as friends anymore. They hadn't done anything wrong, the redhead was aware of why they'd be pissed off with him.

It's clearly me that's the issue

But they're not trying either Not that they should try- It's not like I'm worth fighting for- Just because I'm unreliable doesn't mean they should make me feel like shit... But maybe I deserve it?He couldn't see anyone as a friend anymore.He didn't want friends anymore.He wanted to be left alone, he wanted to sleep and eat and rest and watch you. He wanted to be left alone, but he didn't want to be alone...He found school overwhelming- he found any social situation overwhelming- hell, being alone was driving him mad too. Just existing made him feel like shit.He could start to see the world for what it really was; nothing.Everything was nothing.Nothing mattered.Nothing really exited- there was no proof of anything.How could he prove that the past existed? It was another time- another physical dimension that he can't enter. He remembers, but where's the proof?Why did it matter?

It didn't. FfffkjjįrttttûüŷùūnnnñłhhhhhøHe struggled to understand life and why everyone was so passionate about it.It doesn't matter.It doesn't exist.It's all a lieHe can feel it in his bonesThere's a universePlanetsOther speciesGo to spaceWe don't exist"Tendō""Hm?""You not coming tonight?" Semi asked, Goshiki stood timidly behind him. It was more of a statement then a question. The pale haired boy had somewhat of a hidden temper- a lack of patience, he was a Scorpio after all."No" this time Tendou didn't try and butter it up like usual, he gave a strong and brash answer, the same way Semi asked a brash question. Fuck you.Was he really being as harsh as it seemed? Was Tendō looking too far into it? Did he see it differently fr everyone else?Semi nodded, walking away, leaving the smaller boy."I hope you get better soon! Y-you're really important to the team"Tendō smiled at Goshiki, still holding a certain fondness for him even after everything."What got you all soft?" He smiled."Nothing! I'm just saying!" He replied defensively, "anyway, I need to get to practice, see ya"He raised a lazy hand to wave at the boy before watching him run off excitedly towards the gym."You still not feeling good?"He jumped at the sudden voice behind him, turning to find you stood like a small, curious cat."Sorry- didn't mean to startle you"It's ok" he smiled to you."He's right though, they had a practice match not too long ago and struggled without you" Oh A compliment?

"Oh- thanks" he shyly smiled, "but I doubt it, our team is strong no matter what"

"Everyone's brings their own thing to the game I guess""Yeah" he smiled."Well, hope ya feel better soon" you smiled and waved, walking away down the hall.—————————Oh my godAs he stood scrubbing at the surfaces he couldn't hide the smile on his face.She thinks I bring something to the team They struggle without me? Good.He didn't know where the sudden bitterness came from, but it had been building for some time. He's go through phases of intense bitterness and then intense guilt for feeling that way about his 'friends'.He's gotten tired suddenly and decided to sleep on the couch because it was the closest place to him.If he wasn't cleaning the he'd usually be sleeping- in fact, he's sure that he had started to sleep for more hours in the day than he was awake.He just loved sleep- he needed it, he was so drained all the time.As soon as his eyes shut his mind wandered to you.What were you doing?Were you tired too?Would you be sleeping at the same time?Why did you seem to talk to him so much?Why did you seem nice?Are you actually nice?Fuck offHe wanted it all to just fuck offThe house was almost clean- well, inhabitable atleast. The bathroom and kitchen were done- his grandads room was as clean as he would allow and the spare room Tendō stayed in was still pretty messy but nothing that was unusual for a teenage boy.His mom didn't stick to her promise of visiting everyday- but it's not like he didn't expect it. His parents were busy people- so they came around once a week if they could. Besides, they figured Tendō needed some space.