It was uncharacteristically quiet backstage, I thought as I let my makeup artist apply her magic on me.
I'd always wanted to stand on a stage such as this one and join forces with great kpop performers like the ones i was gonna perform with tonight
i took a quick look around for her members among the packed room and tracked down Hyunjin and Felix making small talk in a corner, the former with his arm around his best friend's shoulder and silently side eyeing Lee Know as he was hunting chanbgins butt.
the only person i couldnt find was bangchan. i mean, all the members were scattered across the room, including the ateez members, all getting ready for the concert.
everyone was there except for him.
my makeup artist nudged my shoulder to let me know that she was done and left me to look in the mirror.
the girl i saw was unrecognizable from what i had been 5 years ago. i met the members when i was 14, joining as a trainee and debuting with them in 2019.
back then, i could never have done this. i could never have made these performances work even under this pressure. i could never have been the only girl on a stage with over 15 men, dancing and singing for the people i know would always love me.
even if i dont want to believe it sometimes.
San came up behind me, looking me in the eyes via the mirror.
he cracked a smile and i grinned back. his makeup was already done.
i couldnt help but let my eyes wander off in the reflection of the mirror, searching for someone, searching for bangchan.
i finally spotted the australian boy pop up from a couch. how had she not seen him there? he didnt look so good, he looked like i never saw him before.
he almost looked sad. i could swear i saw a tear well up in his eye, his deep brown eyes.
those eyes met with mine for a split second, across the packed space, and i could barely see him press his lips together and leave to, what presumably was the boys bathroom.
i wanted to go after him, but was afraid id catch him do... something i wouldnt expect.
but then again, i have known him long enough, i am close enough with him to know that look on his face, the one that quietly told me he was not really okay.
could he be nervous?
he always told me, kind of jokingly, that he was nervous for everything but, could that be actually true?
fuck it
i knew that the bathrooms both had a wall between the door and the bathroom. i wouldnt directly walk into the room but i could first talk to him without having to see him.
i got up from my chair, almost knocking San over, him shouting at me while laughing too, something he does quite often.
i squeezed through the ocean of staff, and once i entered the long, white painted hallway, the crowd thinned out, and there was only the occasional staff member or stray journalist who both waved at me exitedly.
i looked around like a person about to commit a crime, seeing the coast was clear and entering the boys bathroom.
as soon as i got in, i fell dead silent. i could barely hear it, but i noticed the quietest of sobs echo through the bathroom.
"b- bangchan?" i said quietly, and the sobbing stopped for a moment.
a deep, slightly shakey sigh sounded through the room.
YOU ARE READING
---.𖥔 ݁ ˖philophobia ˖ ݁ 𖥔.---
Fanfic---.𖥔 ݁ ˖bangchan x y/n˖ ݁ 𖥔.--- " show me what broke you. i want the worst of you, too" he whispered. "what broke me would break you too" --- Choi Yeoji (y/n) is a kpop idol and the only female member of the group stray kids. she suffers from Phi...
