[Fyodor D. X Reader] Birds in the House of the Living

04: Defiance, an attempt

"Stop it this instant. I really don't want to kill you. It really isn't like that-"

"I'm gifted. I kill people. How can you convince me that you're not just going to kill me after?"

Not that you minded dying. What the hell happened anyway? Were you just sick of yourself for subconsciously complying to him and that you needed to start a conflict for a false feeling of control? To prove that you were able to rebel and disobey?

"-yet I seem to find that all the people you've killed are convicts of severe crime. You are not just a mindless killer who targets civilians, you are a killer only tempted by the adrenaline and sense of control it gives you."

"Okay, but.. The lives I've taken. And how much I refuse to take accountability for my actions. How dare you deem me good? What is it that you truly want from me?"

His eyes narrow, a faint sound of a groan could be heard from him. He does not look angered but you're most definitely testing his patience. He crosses his legs and sets aside his tea, a deep exhale escaping his lips.

"God too, kills, [Y/N]. I don't deem you good, but I see the prospect of your nature to be something more than good.. Your gift does not cause destruction, and you are able to free those spirits and send them to their eternal peace - heaven."

Why was he so persistent about it, anyway? Even going as far to play along and come up with responses to your arguments when he knew the fact that you didn't mind if he were to kill you at all.

"Fyodor, I don't see how my gift will be beneficial for your plan. I don't see how I'll be able to defend this organisation. Don't you want to erase ability users?"

He slams his palm, hard, on top of your hand. Not that hard to make that quick sound of slap, but in the way that his hands grasped you harshly as his eyes remained fixated on yours - stripping your soul naked to his hearts' content. It's as if he's telling you to keep your voice down.

Ah.

You can't help but to feel a bit uneasy during moments of physical contact with Fyodor after the conversation with drunk Nikolai in the pub. You weren't supposed to know of it, but Nikolai told you anyway and it somehow resulted in Nikolai realising his wrongs, and then pinning his sins of a running mouth and yours of knowing to another drunkard and killing that man, claiming to have 'crucified' him. What a weirdo he is.. But at least that man died for the sins of you and Nikolai.

"Your mind is very amusing with its perpetual denial to muster the concept of unconditional love. Doesn't God want His humans to love and forgive? That is not an exception to sinners, either."

Your whole body except for your hands were shaking, and you were doing an impeccable job at hiding it.. Right, you didn't mind dying, why are you so afraid of his touch? The human survival instincts and desire to resist death is unnerving for the fact that it exists within everyone, even suicidal ones.

"..Why? I sinned. You don't like sinners. What you're doing isn't right, I'm sorry, but you have to hear it. Why would you choose and create exceptions for some people?"

You slowly but surely, shift your hands away from his reach, hoping he wouldn't notice you gradually drifting it away, in which his hands chase back. His palm was on top of your hand and you can't help but to feel sort of awkward for this whole thing.

"Because their abilities are formed in a pact between death and survival, like I said, they're mindless and destructive. Understand that to love means to see them as God intended them."

Oh, finally. His hands leave yours. It went over to his tea instead, in which he sipped as if he's the one with the upper-hand on this whole argument thing that you've created yourself. But, you analyse him too much to know that he does not care to make himself triumphant in mundane and foolish stuff like this.