After sunrise part 2

Burning heart

Monday December 25 2022,

Esmee POV

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It is late in the evening when I change into my pajamas.

Killian is still downstairs in his office. He said that he would join me later, but that I would probably be already be sleeping.

If the past has proven me anything is that I probably won't be able to sleep until I feel his warmth next to me.

This Christmas has been the best Christmas I've ever head. The company was more than perfect. The entire night was laughter and joy. No bad memories were recalled. To my pleasure.

I stand in the bathroom, brushing my teeth.

Chloris sits on my shoulder, watching me as I do so.

I don't understand the fascination that Chloris has for my daily ablutions, but fairies are still a mystery to me.

I rub my stomach. Ever since dinner I have this terrible stomach ache. I probably had too much food.

I spit the toothpaste in the sink and wash it away with water.

After I walk into he bedroom and climb in bed, the pain in my stomach is getting worse by the second.

Chloris sits on the nightlight. Most of the time he leaves at night. But I think that he understands that I don't feel so well.

I want to turn off the light, but moving hurts so much, that I decide to just leave it on.

I don't know how many time has passed. It could be hours, or maybe it are simply minutes. But the pain has gotten so bad, that I am unable to lie still.

This is not normal.

This is not normal food poisoning.

This is different.

The pain has moved from my stomach to the lower parts of my abdomen.

Another crash of pain comes. They seem to come in waves.

Fuck. It hurts so darn bad.

I scream it out in my pillow.

This is too bad. Too painful.

I lift my head up and look at Chloris that stands next to me on my pillow.

'Get Killian!' I scream with everything that I have, 'Get him!'

Chloris flies away in haste.

He isn't even the room out, when I feel this urge to go to the toilet.

With difficult I stand up and walk to the bathroom. Afraid I am not going to make it.

I strip down my bottom and take a seat on the toilet. My vision becomes blurry, and I am afraid that I will pass out.

Suddenly another wave hits me in painful ways that I could never have imagined.

My body slams forward and I scream it out.

The pain fades away when I hear the water splashing underneath me in the toilet.

Internally I already know it.

I am mortified to move.

I don't want to know.

I don't want it to be reality.

Slowly. I slide off the toilet on the floor where I start tearing.

While my bod is shaking in fear, I gaze over the rim of the toilet.

In a puddle of water lies this clump of blood.

In the blood lies this perfectly shaped little human. It has the curves of a human. It has a head and fingers. Legs and little toes. The little human has its eyes closed and looks so peaceful even though it got secreted by my uterus. It is not much greater than my hand. But it is so extraordinarily perfect.

My eyes looses vision. Dizziness takes over my brain. My legs have a will of their own when I sprint towards the bathtub and throw up.

Realization hit me hard.

I just had a natural abortion. I lost the baby that I never wanted. But now that it is gone I want it more than ever. I will never get to meet the baby that I carried for two months.

Why does this hurt so goddamn much?

Please someone make it stop.

I scream it out in a painful cry.

Tears stream down my face, and I throw up again.

I Barely notice what is happening when Killian screams out my name.

He sees me hanging over the edge of the bathtub.

'Esmee what is wrong.' He sounds extremely worried.

He takes in my body. The puke in the corners of my mouth and the blood on my inner-thighs that now cover his hand, because he pulled me in a hug.

He looks at his hand in horror.

Slowly he stands up and walks towards the toilet.

He doesn't say anything and just stares in the bowl.

I barely see anything though my tears and feel numb. Nothing has ever been so paralyzing.

A flush takes me out of my out of body state.

He flushed. He flushed the toilet!

'No!' I scream.

I didn't get to say goodbye. No, I am not ready. Not ready to let it go. I want it back!

'No.' I scream again, jumping up my feet.

Killian sprints towards me and catches my outraged body.

'No! Get it back!' I cry.

Killian tries to control my body. But all I know is that I need to get closer to the toilet.

'It is okey Esmee. This is what is best.' He tries to calm me down.

Utter and complete pain take me over.

I fall on the ground in Killian his arms.

He tries to console me as I cry out my soul in his arms.

'Esmee we have to go to the hospital. You might have more internal bleedings.'

I don't say anything. And just let myself get carried out of the bathroom and towards the car.