The Gentle Giant and the Melancholy Monster

Chapter 2

It is now January fourth. It is the first day of school since winter break that I am about to face. Four days after the kiss. This is the one time I think I will ever be thankful for going to an all girls school. I won't have to face Sebastian after what he did to me.

I almost considered staying home this morning. There's nothing waiting for me at school. Nobody really bullies me, but nobody really cares for me. I'm just there. I eventually worked up enough courage to get out of bed. I dismissed my alarm, and then went back to sleep. My second alarm I slept through, and the third alarm was my mom's hands roughly gripping my shoulders, trying to drag me out of bed. I waited for her to leave, then I threw on my uniform, which was just a pullover sweater and an ugly skirt, and threw my hair into a ponytail. Today was already ruined by my mother, but what else is new? I love her. I truly do. You have to love your mother. But if she was some random lady on the street, telling me what a disappointment I am like she does almost every day, I wouldn't hesitate to strike back.

I probably look like a corpse, but all I was focused on was leaving the house, so maybe I could forget what happened on New Year's Eve, and focus on my studies, as I often do, since it's the only thing that really distracts me from my depression for a brief forty-minute time period per class.

Part of me wished Sebastian had just told me I wasn't his type and was ugly. Hideous. It would have been better than finding out he was paid to kiss me. I'm not one to turn down free money by doing anything within reason. Like being dared to do a prank call, or lick a bizarre surface. This was crossing the line for me. My definition of opening up is having a basic conversation with someone, given my lack of friends, experience, and overall social awkwardness. We even talked about our beliefs. He called me pretty. Sure, I would have preferred "handsome," but he had no way of knowing I wanted such a thing. And, maybe it's for the best that I figured out now that he isn't into me. It just hurt because he said we were friends. If he had told me in advance, or we were really close friends, I wouldn't have had any problem. I've kissed Noa on multiple occasions. But the worst part of it all is that I'd still let him do it again.

His lips were so soft, just like I had imagined. He tasted like the strawberry mints we all had to suck on so my parents wouldn't smell our breath. I didn't even mind the underlying taste of alcohol. I looked up into his blue-gray eyes afterward and looked shocked, but on the inside was screaming, and yelping with joy. The next minute, I was upstairs in the bathroom, soaking my dress with tears. He thought he could just apologize and then leave, like this kind of thing didn't matter. That was my first kiss, too. He stole my first kiss.

Now, I'm sitting on the bus, waiting for us to stop at Noa's house. I doze off as soon as I sit down on the seat, but after a couple minutes, I wake up in a panic, remembering everything all over again. I anxiously wait for us to pick up my friend. She didn't even remember any of it, I'm guessing. She was the most wasted out of all of them. She was actually the one who threw up on everyone else. Greg left with one of my shirts that night. I told him I didn't want it back, but he insisted he wash it and bring it back. As I begin to get bored and exhausted from replaying my own thoughts in my mind over and over, I start suspecting that Noa wasn't riding the bus today.

I open my eyes and realize that we had been stopped, waiting for the same girl that is always late. Her name is Carmen... something. All I know about her is that she has a loud laugh, and a boyfriend from Iowa, named Dean, who is probably cheating on her.

Noa finally gets on the bus and sits next to me, after waiting for what seems like forever. "Noa!"

"Tarah!" She gives me a big hug. She isn't huge on hugs, so I am surprised when she does.

"Do you remember what happened on New Year's Eve?" I ask frantically. I was going to text her that next day, but then I remembered that she had her phone taken away.