Transcendence

2: That Boy

The wind howled, the crisp cold cutting straight it seemed to the very sinew and bone. All around was mist, thick and heavy. The moon was high and bright and the darkness of the clouds quietly moved. He stood in the middle of an empty road. Quiet. Still. Curling wisps of vapor teased his skin, bringing goosebumps. And in the time it stood still, slowly she would appear. Soft, almost dancing on the wind like an ember of flame. Her brown foot bare touched the ground and from it a burst of butterflies sprung forth, leaving warm sunny ground in its wake. She would come to him and he could do nothing but stare.

 He tried several times to reach out to her and touch her but found it wasn't possible. She didn't open her mouth but there sat on her full lips a smile. She smiled as though she was free of any and all pain. Her eyes didn't hold the hatred he expected but rather only neutrality. Familiarity. The moment he would open his mouth to say, "Are you content? Are you happy?" the dream would end. And he would wake up, his body wet with sweat. Through the years, these dreams had come to him almost every night it seemed, tormenting him. He couldn't live with the guilt of hurting the woman he once called his. But over time, the dreams grew less frequent and he had guarded his heart with an iron wall.

Glancing over at the woman who laid in his bed, he tightened his jaw. The sight of her once brought the feeling of repulsion. He didn't want to touch her, see her or even talk to her. She was what a lot of men would kill for: Beautiful, smart and rich. And whether he wanted to or not, ten years with her had produced attachment. He couldn't say he absolutely hated her... not anymore. He wasn't a young man any more and reality had become more important than idle fantasy. Reality had a rather cruel way of sobering you up. He was 28 years old now. His biological clock was ticking and he was feeling the pressure. The pressure to procreate. To marry. He wanted children. He wanted marriage. Just not with her.

It was foolish to desire someone you couldn't have, who had been long gone and more than likely had a good life. He had tried to move on with his life. But he couldn't help and wonder about her. What was she doing now? What was her life like? Had she found someone else? Memories of her laughter fluttered in his mind like the sweetest melody. He still could remember the soft press of her lips and the overwhelming sweetness that flowed from them like honey. Sensations and feelings that haunted him.

He sat up and moved the leg that had been thrown over him. Placing his feet on the cool floor, he made his way onto his balcony. The early morning was approaching, the sky starting to show signs of the sun. Running fingers through his hair, he leaned on the banister and let the cool air flow through his fingers.When he thought of his life, it was full of mistakes. Things in his past that he wanted to make right. If not for anyone else but for him. He wished he could live without regret. He wanted to live as he once did... Could he honestly fall truly and madly in love again? Could he trust that woman with his heart and soul, his body and mind? He wasn't sure if there was another who could love so openly as the girl who still lived in his dreams. Was it horrible that he considered trying? Through the years he had grown tired. Worn down. So close to giving in.

"Hiro?" A soft voice called out in the quietness. A voice so sweet and gentle yet nothing like... like hers.

"What?"

"Is everything okay?" He took a deep breath, unconsciously fingering the tiny chain around his neck. It had been a source of pain for him but now he wore it as a sign of survival and of love. Once his heart was broken but it would once again be whole. Someday.

"Go back to sleep." He heard sheets shift and soon felt arms come around his waist.

"What's wrong?"