back to black

chapter three

"... because I like everything about you," Kendall said.

"Yeah? What do you like about me?" I asked with a soft chuckle. Kendall smiled and snuggled closer to me.

"Well..." She lay on her side looking at me and supported her head on her palm. "I like your hair. And your hands, you have long fingers" Ken said softly as she grabbed my hands carefully.

"You looove my fingers, right?" I said with a chuckle, making her laugh as well.

"Mhm, I do," Kendall let go of my hand and caressed me from my abdomen to my chest. "I like to touch your whole body and even more when you're naked for me" she said, lowly.

The touch sent chills through my body and I guess Kendall noticed because she met my gaze eagerly.

"And..."

"And I like your brown foxy eyes, and your lips, and your cute nose" She smiled and touched my nose which made me scrunched it.

"Kenny..." I giggled.

"But what I like most about you is that you're kind..." My girlfriend looked at me lovingly. "You're sweet and sensitive and you care about people, you care about me and that's why I..." Kendall stopped mid sentence and looked down at her hands which were touching mine.

I smiled and straddled her. "I love you too,'' I said as she just looked at me with her big brown eyes.

"I love you" She chuckled and sat up with me on top of her to kiss me.

I woke up shaken. I noticed my cheeks were wet so I quickly wiped them dry with the palm of my hand and sat up. I grabbed my phone and noticed I had twenty missed calls and several messages from Kendall.

my cowgirl: y/n im so sorry, i need to talk to you please princess
i was just drunk and wasn't thinking i swear
i love you so much, y/n
it was a stupid fucking desition and i really regret it baby
call me please, i am truly sorry

I heard a knock on my door so I quickly left the phone on the sheets and took a deep breath.

"Yeah?" I said and the door opened.

"Hi baby," Kylie said softly, entering the room and closing the door behind her.

"Hi," I whispered.

Kylie sat on the bed next to me and pulled the covers on her. She was wearing a black hoodie and black joggings. Her face had no make up and her hair was loose.

The Jenner looked at me for a second until I looked down and put my hands on my crossed legs. My friend grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. She sat closer to me and hugged me, she didn't say anything, she just held me. I rested my head on her shoulder and sobbed quietly.

"I know, baby, I'm sorry" Kylie whispered, kissing my head. We stayed like that for a while until someone appeared at the door.

Bella looked at us and bit her lower lip making a worried face.

"Come here" I half chuckled, half sobbed. Bella smiled and sat on the other side of me, giving me a hug along with Kylie.

"I feel so fucking stupid" I sighted.

"Don't, because you're not," Bella said while stroking my back.

I let go of the embrace and leaned against the back of the bed.

"It's just... I thought she loved me"

"She does, Y/n. And I'm not just defending her because she's my sister, okay?" Kylie said. "I talked to her last night and she was crying and drinking and... I know its fucked up but she didn't mean it" Ky rambeled while looking at me with glassy eyes.

"I just don't understand," I said softly.

"That's why I think you should talk to her. Not right now but when you're ready" Bella said.

"Ugh, I don't know" I sighed and rubbed my face with my hands.

"Let's go eat something" The Hadid proposed, getting up from the bed and holding out her hand.

"Okay" I nodded and grabbed her hand, standing up.

Kylie passed me some comfy clothes from the closet and we all three went down to the kitchen.

The girls and I sat outside with Victoria and Stassie. Devon, Sid, Kelsey and the boys left to an event that I'm sure we should have gone too but fuck it.

"I think I'm gonna go back home" I said, making all my friends turn to see me.

"But what about Coachella?" Stas asked.

"I don't give a fuck about Coachella" I shrugged, "I just need to be alone for a while"

Vic rested her hand on my leg. "Puedo volver... (i could come back)" Victoria offered.

"What? No, Vic, no. You have- I'm gonna be fine" I chuckled. They looked at me worriedly. "I swear" A fake smile appeared on my lips.

"Okay, but just- call us" Ky said with a smile.

"Mhm" I nodded.

That afternoon I stayed packing. Kylie lent me her jet to get back as fast as possible.

"Hey Kyles," I said, answering the phone.

"Hi baby girl, did you land okay?"

"Yeap, I'm in the car right now"

"Good, we um..."

"Kylie, come on!" I heard her voice through the phone and bit my inner cheek.

"I just got home, I'll talk to you tomorrow" I said. It was not a lie but I also needed to hang up.

"I love you, Y/n," Kylie said.

"I love you too, Ky" I smiled. "Bye" I hung up the call and entered my house.

It seemed so lonely and empty, I couldn't help but cry. I don't know why. Was I sad? Hurt? Or just felt fucking lonely?

I left my stuff in my room and took off my shirt leaving me only in a black jogging and a bra. I washed my face and walked to the kitchen, taking a bottle of vodka from the storage.

Obviously the bottle was next to a bottle of 818 tequila. I uncorked the bottle and took a long sip looking at Kendalls brand. I shrugged my nose a bit and went to sit on the chair. I took another sip, and on another and another and another until I stopped counting. I felt the worries leave my body as the alcohol entered it.

I let my head fall back in the chair as the empty bottle slipped from my fingers and fell softly to the floor. I fell asleep not long after but woke up an hour later and walked to my room, throwing myself on the bed and passing out completely.