The Beast

10

HAZEL

I'm pressed against Ronan, captured. My eyes are wide, but all I see is darkness.

As he swept me into his arms, he blew the light out. Now I can only depend on my other senses. I can feel the warmth and softness of his lips. They are... surprisingly familiar. But that's impossible.

My heart races in my chest. Guilt and thrill consume me—two very contrasting emotions.

I keep my lips still as he softly brushes his against mine, nuzzling and learning the texture of my lips. I... I want to do the same. But I can't. Not when I've already kissed another man. Not when I already have feelings for another.

I turn my face away. "I'm sorry," I gasp.

"You're still loyal to that other man?" He asks, keeping me in his arms.

I'm an idiot. That other man has pushed me away, yet I feel guilty about my feelings for Ronan.

"I can't do this with both of you. I'm... I'm not like that."

Why does this feel like cheating when it's not? Why am I so naive? Neither man owes me anything!

"Who would you choose? Me or him?"

The question surprises me, because I don't know the answer.

Ronan lowers his head and skims his lips across my collarbone, trying to make the answer simple. I gasp. I can't see him, but I know he's tall and strong. I felt his muscular chest and arms engulfing me. I smell his scent. Although I haven't seen this man, his lips are enough to electrify my nerves.

A curious throb starts between my legs. I shudder, and he smirks against my neck.

"I know he didn't touch you like this. He left you wanting."

How does he know? Are my reactions so obvious?

"I can answer all your questions," comes his rumbling voice. His lips kiss my jawline, promising dangerous, unfathomable things. Things I've only read about in books.

I thought the Lord might be an old, tired man. Or perhaps a woman. Anything but this figure reeking of sex and power. His heavy, hot hands that have built up the estate and kept it running for years are offering to tear everything I have— My clothes, my innocence, my limits. And I'm... enthralled by that. My curiosity of the world has inverted. Now I'm curious about my body. How much pleasure could a man's mouth and hands offer? How would I reciprocate if I've never tangled sheets with a man before?

I shake my head and take a step back, painfully aware of the warm wetness between my legs.

How shameful. Playing with two men at once.

"I'm leaving."

His chuckle surprises me. "That's what I thought. You're still hung up on your hoodie boy."

That sets my blood on fire. Because he's not wrong.

"Lord, the only thing I owe you is cleaning and dusting. I don't have to answer questions about my personal life."

"There's no need," he replies, not missing a beat. "I know everything about you. Including that you're so needy that your panties drench with a single kiss. Goodnight, Hazel." He walks around me and leaves.

I fist my hands and exhale hot air in frustration. Both of these men hold power over me. They see into me while I've never seen their damn faces. It's not fair!

I came to this room to disappear for an hour. To be unreachable to the world. Have control for once. The Lord wasn't supposed to come in here.

I scan the room but can't see anything. He told me this isn't a sex dungeon, but that doesn't make him seem any less of a daredevil.

With a final glance at the door he walked through, I pick up my book and sneak out of the room. I set everything back in place and slide back on my bed. I'm getting better at this. Getting confident.

I wonder how long I can carry on for without being caught.

— —

I wake up to the sound of a knock. I'm still in my nightgown when I peek the door open and glance outside. My mother is there.

My heart drops. Every time I see her, I worry she has found out my secret.

"Mornin' mom."

She smiles, the wrinkles around her eyes deepening. I realize that I miss her familiar small details. I miss her safe embrace.

"Hi, I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. I'm just checking in."

I shrug. "I've just been reading and sewing. Nothing has changed."

She smiles, as if happy to hear that my life is as boring as ever. I never understood how she could settle for a schedule.

"Let's walk the gardens tomorrow. I'm quite busy today."

"Sure. I love you.

She reaches out and palms my cheek. "Your eyes look tired. You should take it easy on the reading." Her hand slips to cup my shoulder. Right next to my neck, where Ronan me kissed last night. My heart is beating so fast I fear she can feel my pulse.

She brushes a thumb across my neck. "You have a small bruise here."

A bruise?! He marked me...

"Yeah I scratched myself in my sleep."

She pats my cheek. "Okay. I'll let you get to work."

My heart only calms when she turns and walks away. My tongue feels heavy, wanting to call her name and confess what I've been doing. But I keep my lips pursed for both our sakes.

Gwen wakes up a few minutes later. We change into our uniforms. She leaves first, but I stay behind for a few minutes to enjoy the rays of sunlight streaming through the window. It's warm and comforting, beckoning me to skip the wall again. I might not have mom's embrace, but at least I have this.

I wonder what the mornings are like in the outside world. It has been a decade since I've lived in the estate, cleaning and feeling trapped. There's no time to walk down a trail and listen to the birds chirping and leaves rustling.

At least I can dream that one day, I'll spend an entire day outside without worrying about who is waiting for me to report myself.

There's another knock at my door. I open the door for Gwen. She forgot her apron on the bed.

As soon as I open, I'm pushed backwards. A male swoops in and closes the door. I stare wide-eyed at the intruder, frozen in shock.

I don't recognize him for the first few seconds until everything clicks. I do know this tall, middle-aged man in a black uniform. He's a wall guard.

He leers at me. "Scream and I'll tell everyone you've been skipping the wall at night. I'll get you and your sweet mother banished."

My eyes widen, full of horror.

He crosses his arms over his chest. "Now let's discuss how you can pay me for my silence."