The Beast

19

HAZEL

I can't believe my eyes. Ronan is kneeling, telling me to get my fill of him. He is allowing me what few others have received: a glimpse of his face. I've seen his lips, nose, and cheeks, but I imagine his eyes every night. Different shapes, colors, and sizes. His gaze must be steadfast and intense, like his touch and voice.

I clench my fists and hesitate. I know that I won't flinch at the sight of his face. No scars or deformation will change who he is on the inside. But I fear that my surprise will hurt him.

I purse my lips and relax my hands, reaching for his hood. He doesn't move, doesn't run away. His display of trust makes me realize that I fell in love with my Lord. And when I pull his hood back, revealing a head of thick black curls and a handsome face with scars that only add character to it, I know nothing will shake my feelings.

He is no monster. He has a chiseled jaw with stark green eyes. His nose is undisturbed, and one of his cheeks is lightly burned, the skin twisted. There's a long cut from his temple, across his eyebrow, and a dozen smaller cuts. But nothing can change his full lips, bone structure, and the power in those eyes.

"So handsome," I whisper, running a hand through his curly hair.

He doesn't take the compliment well. "Handsome?" He stands, my hand falling away. "Put me under a microscope, and you'll find nothing pretty."

"What do you mean?"

"They screwed with my DNA. That's why I get angry—" he pulls his hoodie back over his face.

I struggle to understand. Was his DNA altered? Who could have done that? My education in science is limited, but I imagine it would take enormous resources to experiment with him.

I push the topic aside for now, wanting to calm Ronan down. Clearly, this is a sore topic for him.

"You don't have to cover up around me anymore. Your past doesn't matter to me." I reach out carefully for his arm, but he yanks it away, clearly hurting.

He walks to the door and grips the doorknob, but then he pauses. With a deep growl that makes the floorboards tremble, he slams his head onto the door.

I jump, startled, but don't dare to approach.

He's torn between staying and leaving. I hope he stays. We've made too much progress today, and I would hate it if he regretted revealing his face.

"Remember when we first met?" I ask after a minute of silence. "At the bar in town, where I was stupid and gullible and almost got myself trafficked? I think about that day a lot. When you intervened and saved me, I became fascinated by you. By the utter mystery of your covered face. By how my savior could be so callous with his words, scolding me almost cruelly although he saved me. What happened to your body—to the inside and outside of it—didn't erase your humanity. You're a protective, caring, honest man. That's what I've been seeing this entire time. That's why I kept looking for you."

I feel drained by the words that came straight from my heart. My body calls for his. For his strong arms to hold me up as I take in his scent and find assurance that he's here now and forever.

"I have plans to fulfill. Plans that have been in the making for years. I have friends to avenge and evil to punish. I have enemies. I cannot give you what you deserve; I'm sorry."

"And what is it that I deserve?" I ask.

"A family."

A family? That bridge will be crossed if and when we get there. I don't know if he's telling me that the DNA alterations made him infertile (a/n: he is not infertile), but I won't ask. It doesn't matter. There are so many abandoned, suffering children in this war-wrecked world that adoption is always an option.

"I'm young," I reply. "I'm not worried about what I deserve right now, but what I desire."

I want to live fully after denying myself for so many years. I have hopped the wall to the nearby town and want to hop on the wall surrounding his heart.

He shakes his head, still looking away from me. "I knew the moment you were about to get drugged and trafficked that you are not gullible. You are dangerous."

"You know what I want, Ronan. For once, I don't want you to treat me like a servant but as a woman. Stop making orders; stop telling me what to do. Stop being my Lord. For once, just listen to what I want. Take my orders."

He turns the doorknob, and I swear I hear it snap. "Fine, then. I'll fuck you two nights from now. I'll make sure to keep my face covered so you don't have to look at—"

I stomp forward, yanking him by the arm. Of course, he turns only because he wants to. I'm not strong enough to toss him around.

"Enough with the self-depriving comments. You are not a monster. I will look right into your eyes as you..."

As you fuck me.

I can't finish the shameless sentence. My fire withers, burning low. Ronan's eyes seem to absorb my fire. He pushes his hoodie off his head and bends down to kiss me. Tongue and lips twisting so passionately that I figure I might not have to wait until two nights after all.

He straightens when he has kissed all rebellion out of me. When he's sure I'm breathless and won't be able to make any more demands of him. He takes my hand and walks me to the bed. My legs are wobbly as I follow. Then he makes sure I sit down before I faint.

"See you tonight," he says, finally leaving.

I lay on the bed and remember his face, already craving it again. I wish he saw what I do.

Only a few minutes after Ronan leaves, there's a knock at the door. I rise and approach the door, surprised by Gwen's visit. She never comes to see me this late.

I open the door and find Dakota looking down the hall worriedly as if she's not supposed to be here.

"Dakota?"

Her worried eyes find mine. She's rattled. Her lips are dry, and her bun is messy. "I'll make this quick. I heard he's keeping you captive, and you want to escape. You must tell me right now if you want me to get you out of the estate. I'll help you. You'll be free and–"

"No thanks." I slam the door shut, locking her out.

I'm not a prisoner, and I don't trust Dakota. She offers help because she wants to be rid of me and return things back to normal when she was a mistress of the night. When she benefited from Ronan's attention, and I was her subordinate.

A lot has changed since then, but one thing is for certain: I'm here freely. The only captive is Ronan, bound by his thoughts and insecurity. I will rescue him.