✓ TOO REAL TO DENY | SUNGHOON

41 - Crimson Fur

Y/N'S POV

I don't tell Sunghoon about what Seoyoung said to me, not wanting to burden him with more drama. I know he must have enough on his plate and it's not like he can do anything about it anyway. Seoyoung just won't accept the fact that Sunghoon has moved on, and she's planning on making my life miserable because of it. 

As we drive home, I lean against the window, staring at the city lights as they pass by. My mind is a mess and I'm melting into a puddle of both anxiety and fear. In the back of my mind, Sunghoon wouldn't leave me. I just know he wouldn't, and so it's easy to convince my heart that everything is going to be alright. But this is not a movie and we're not characters in a book. This is real life, it's messy and unpredictable, and Seoyoung's hatred against me is all too real. I can't help but worry about what her intentions are and how far she's willing to go to get what she wants.

"Is everything okay?" I hear Sunghoon ask and when I look back at him, he's clenching his jaw, his hands slightly tightening on the steering wheel. My heart skips a beat and I gulp. I really don't want to lie to him, but what good would come if I told him the truth? "You're awfully silent and that means your mind is probably racing a million miles per hour. I can see that something's bothering you, Y/N. Please, talk to me."

I bite my lip. "I'm just tired, Sunghoon, really. I was very excited for my first day at work and I guess all that adrenaline has worn off now," I lie, my voice sounding unconvincing even to my own ears. But I can't bring myself to tell him the truth now. 

"Is that so?" He says and I can practically feel the anger and frustration lacing his every word. Oh Gosh, he must have had a long day and I'm not sure if I should burden him with my own worries. But Sunghoon can read me like an open book, and I know he won't let this go easily. "Y/N, you're breaking your promise right now, I hope you know that. You promised me that we wouldn't keep secrets from each other, that we would always be honest with one another no matter what. And now here you are, lying to me about what's bothering you."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut, the guilt gnawing at my insides. There's a strange feeling settling in the pit of my stomach and though I'm usually able to write thousands of words about how I'm feeling, right now, I'm at a loss for words. Sunghoon's disappointment cuts deeper than any of Seoyoung's insults ever could. He trusted me, believed in our promise to always be honest with each other, and here I am, breaking that trust. "Sunghoon, I didn't want to-"

"It's fine. You're tired, you can rest." But it's not fine when he clenches his jaw and avoids looking at me. It's not fine when I can see the hurt in his eyes, the disappointment in his voice. It's not fine at all. And as much as I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend like everything is okay, I know I can't. "I mean it, Y/N, if you're not ready to talk about it, then don't. But don't tell me lies and half-truths and expect everything to be okay." His words are the knife I twist inside my heart. I want to shrink away, to disappear into the shadows and hide from the shame burning bright on my cheeks. I'm nothing but a liar. 

I sit there, staring down at my fidgeting fingers while staying silent. I don't think anything I say would make a difference so I don't say anything at all and we stay like that until we finally pull up in front of our apartment. I silently follow Sunghoon inside, my heart heavy with guilt. Danbi is at the door, tail wagging, eyes full of excitement as he greets us. I bend down to pet him while Sunghoon heads to the kitchen without a word. I can't blame him, though; I've let him down.

"I will take Danbi for a walk." I hear myself say, an excuse to avoid the tension in the air. When I think Sunghoon will not respond, I take Danbi's leash and I'm about to slip out of the apartment when I hear his voice. 

"Be careful." His voice is barely over a whisper, but it's still enough for now. I suck in a breath and open the door, the familiar chilly air embracing me again. Danbi trots happily beside me as we make our way down the familiar path, his tail wagging with unbridled enthusiasm. But even his infectious joy fails to lift the heaviness from my heart. right now. 

Sunghoon's tone when we talked earlier is a sharp contrast to the gentle tone he usually reserves for me. I took it for granted, I really did, because right now I feel like I'm about to shatter into a million pieces. What am I supposed to tell him? That Seoyoung will do whatever she can to ruin our relationship? That we're probably not going to work out because his family would never approve of me? That I'm afraid of losing him? The words stick in my throat like a bitter pill, choking me. 

Before I know it, Danbi is barking and people are screaming and car lights are all I see. I freeze in panic as chaos erupts around us but it's Danbi who pushes me away, making me fall against the hard, cold ground, my body like a rag doll as I hit the pavement. The sound of screeching tires echoes in my ears, drowning out all the other noises. I try to push myself up, but my body feels heavy and unresponsive, the shock of the fall still reverberating through me. But when I catch sight of Danbi lying on the ground, a pool of red forming next to him, I don't even realize it until I'm up on my feet, running towards him, my heart pounding in my chest. 

"Danbi!" I scream, tears blurring my vision as I drop to my knees beside him. His fur is stained crimson, his body trembling in pain as he tries to lift his head to look at me. I reach out to him, my hands shaking as I gently stroke his fur, trying to comfort him. "It's okay, Danbi, it's going to be o-okay," I whisper, though I'm not sure if I'm trying to reassure him or myself. I need to get him to a vet, I need to do something to help him, but my mind feels foggy, my thoughts scattered like leaves in the wind.

We're suddenly a spectacle. People stare at us as if we're the most interesting show they've ever seen but I'm too caught up in my own panic to care. The car that hit Danbi is nowhere to be seen and all I can think about is getting him help. With trembling hands, I cradle him in my arms and lift him with the strength I didn't know I had. I stumble back towards our apartment, calling out Sunghoon's name as if my life depended on it. It might do, actually. 

Danbi is limp in my arms when Sunghoon opens the door and gets out, his eyes widening at the sight. They're two pools of shock, fear, disbelief. He looks at him, looks back at me, runs his fingers through his hair before we're both panicking, terrified, unsure of what to do next. "The vet." He breathes, takes Danbi from my arms and rushes to the car. I follow, my mind still in a haze, my heart pounding in my chest. Sunghoon drives like a madman, his knuckles white as he grips the steering wheel, his eyes locked on the road ahead. I sit in silence beside him, my hands clasped tightly in my lap, praying silently for Danbi to hold on, for him to be okay. My hands are stained by his blood and I wonder if my prayers will ever be enough.