✓ TOO REAL TO DENY | SUNGHOON

53 - The Collapsing Castle of Denial

Y/N'S POV

"Don't touch me." I yank my hand away, anger and betrayal coursing through my veins as I take a step away from Sunghoon, the rooftop suddenly too the rooftop suddenly too small to contain the storm brewing inside me. My breath comes in ragged gasps, my chest tight with the weight of my emotions. I need to get out of here, away from Sunghoon, away from the suffocating memories that threaten to consume me whole. "I... I can't-"

"You remember." It's not a question. It hangs as a statement, heavy with unspoken accusations. Shame burns in my throat, acrid and suffocating. Tears spill freely down my cheeks now, blurring the vision of Sunghoon's pain. The anger that fueled my outburst moments ago dissipates, replaced by a tide of regret so vast it threatens to drown me.

"Yes," I whisper, the word raw and shaky. "I remember everything." I want to explain, to justify my silence, but the truth feels like a tangled mess, a web of fear and guilt I can't untangle with a simple apology. This is not the way I imagined things unfolding, not the way I wanted to reveal the truth. There's no sweeping apology or passionate embrace. But the damage is done, irreversible and irreparable.

Sunghoon's eyes search mine, a kaleidoscope of emotions within their depths. Hurt, betrayal, longing—all reflected back at me with a clarity that cuts through the haze of my own denial. He takes a tentative step forward, his hand reaching out as if to touch me, then retracting as if burned. "Why?" His voice is a mere rasp, barely audible above the pounding of my own heart. He looks as if he's walking on a tightrope, balancing between the desire to understand and the fear of what my answer might entail.

"I was scared," I admit, voice barely over a whisper. Please understand. How could you hurt me? "Scared of what remembering would mean, of facing the truth and all the pain it would bring. I thought if you knew I didn't remember you you'd just move on and neither of us would have to deal with the aftermath." The last part comes out choked, laced with a bitterness I can't quite hide. It's a selfish truth, a confession stained with anger at the unfairness of it all. "Why did you even ask him to hire me? God, I feel so dumb. How could you-"

"You said you didn't remember anything. Not even me. Not even anything about us," He breaths and I can see the hurt etched into every line of his face, making my heart making my heart clench with a guilt so sharp it takes my breath away. The anger I clung to, the childish lashing out, melts away in the face of his pain. "Do you know what it did to me? Do you even understand the agony of loving someone who no longer remembers you? Y/N, after all this time- was it fun to see me crumble? Was it fun to see me struggle to hold on to a ghost of what we had?"

His words sting, a harsh reality check that makes me recoil with shame. "No! It was never fun. It was... it was unbearable, Sunghoon. To watch you suffer, to know that I was the cause of it... I can't even begin to describe the pain. But I would rather feel this pain than lose you because loving me only brings you sorrow. Because loving me only brings you despair. It was easier to believe forgetting was a clean break, a chance for you to move on without the burden of a broken past clinging to you-"

"I can never move on, Y/N," He interrupts me, burying his face in his hands, shoulders trembling with suppressed emotion. "Not without you. You're a part of me, Y/N. You always have been, and you always will be. No amount of forgetting can erase that. I would rather spend eternity in agony, loving you, than spend a single moment without you by my side, so please, just love me." I stand there, watching him as he runs his fingers through his hair and stares at me, his eyes pleading. "Hm? If loving you means eternity in agony, then let it be so. Please don't push me away and pretend I'm a stranger. Just let me love you, Y/N, please." 

Humans are selfish and flawed, and I'm no exception. "I don't want to burden you, Sunghoon, Seoyoung still loves you! She missed me this time, next time you might be the one she actually hits. I don't want to love you if it's only going to be a buden-"

"Love isn't about convenience or avoiding pain. It's about choosing each other, again and again, even when it's hard." Sunghoon's voice cuts through my frantic justifications, a gust of wind whipping my hair around my face. "We're not lovers only in good times and a burden to each other in the bad times. Don't you dare diminish what we have, Y/N! Don't you dare push me away out of some misguided sense of self-sacrifice." His words pierce through the shield I've built, leaving me exposed and raw, but he doesn't raise his voice at me. He only clenches his fists so tight his knuckles turn white and his eyes plead with me to understand.

"I can't, Don't you choose between your safety and... this. I'm no longer the woman you fell in love with." I finish, the words scraping against my raw throat like sandpaper as I walk past him before he gets to respond. Each step away from him feels like a betrayal, yet the fear that has ruled me for so long holds me captive.

Sunghoon doesn't call after me. He doesn't reach out and a part of me, the part consumed by fear, knows it's for the best. But the small part, the one that still flickers with the embers of our love, whimpers in protest. It's for the best, is what I tell myself as I walk back to my office, pulling out the big box where all my things were placed the first day I started my job at this company. 

"Ms. Y/N," My boss, or should I say, the person who contributed in making me feel like a complete and utter fool, pushes the slightly open door and steps inside, concern and confusion etched on his face. It might also be pity, but I'm in no mood to decipher his mixed expressions. Shame and guilt erase any desire for social niceties. "What are you doing?"

"Cleaning out my desk. Guess I wasn't cut out for Park Corporation after all." The lie tastes bitter on my tongue. It wasn't the job that wasn't a fit; it was me. A hollow shell, incapable of the brilliance and innovation they crave. "I'm going to resign, effective immediately. You must hate the fact that I'm here, considering you fake hired me like a charity case." As soon as the words leave my lips, regret washes over me. Accusations won't solve anything. I just want to disappear, to lick my wounds in solitude.

"I did what I did because Sunghoon cares about you. He's my friend and I know him." His words catch me off guard, momentarily halting my packing. "He loves you more than anything. More than I think even he realizes. And I could see how much he needed you, even when you couldn't. You were unconscious for so many hours, days even, and he never once left your side. Not even when the doctors told him not to have hope. Not even when you pretended not to remember him-"

"Why are you telling me this?" I finish, the last words tumbling out in a rush. My heart hammers against my ribcage and my hands tremble while I hold back the tears. Crying is a luxury I can't afford. Not when the world feels like it's crumbling around me.

"Because you need to hear it." My boss, Mr. Park, sighs heavily. "If resigning is what's going to make you feel better, be my guest. But pretending like none of this ever happened won't make the pain disappear. Running away will only give fear the upper hand, and perhaps that's what you want, isn't it? To let fear consume you. To hide behind excuses and lies because facing the truth is too unbearable. Perhaps, that's all you're capable of." 

With a heavy exhale, he turns away, his footsteps echoing as he exits the room, leaving me alone with his truth suffocating me like a heavy blanket.