✓ TOO REAL TO DENY | SUNGHOON

42 - If Only Things Were Different

SUNGHOON'S POV

"He's going to be okay." I hear myself say as I hold Y/N close, my arms wrapped around her in an attempt to comfort her. She's a mess, tears streaming down her face, her body shaking with sobs, her hands still stained with Danbi's blood. I can feel her trembling against me, her breaths ragged and uneven. It breaks my heart to see her like this, so vulnerable and distraught, and I know if Danbi doesn't make it through, it would devastate her. Y/N would be shattered and I can't help but feel like part of this is my fault. If I hadn't been so wrapped up in my own frustrations earlier, maybe she wouldn't have gone out and none of this would have happened. 

A chilling realization hits me like a ton of bricks and my heart sinks to the lowest pit of my stomach. What if the car ended up hitting Y/N instead of Danbi? The mere thought sends a shiver down my spine, and I squeeze Y/N tighter as if trying to protect her from the hypothetical scenario playing out in my mind.

"I'm so sorry," She says, her tears soaking my shirt, her hands clutching onto me. "I-I should have been more careful, I shouldn't have let go of the leash, I..." 

"It's not your fault, Y/N," I whisper, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head. "Gosh, it's not your fault. You could have gotten hit too, it could have been so much worse." My words are a shaky breath and I'm trembling, my hands still wrapped around her, holding her close as if she might slip away if I let go. "You... Y/N, you saved him. You got him help. You did everything right," I assure her, though I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince her or myself. I should have been there.

"But Danbi-" She winces and every fiber of my being is alerted. I pull away, frowning, looking at her with concern. "I... I think I hurt my head... I don't feel so good..." Her words trail off and her body suddenly starts feeling weak in my arms. Fuck. No, this isn't happening. This isn't- But her body goes limp, her eyes fluttering closed and I'm a wreck. I'm a fucking wreck when I lay her on the ground and my heart is being squeezed by millions of invisible hands. 

"Y/N!" Y/N, stay with me!" I cry out, shaking her gently, but there's no response. There's no freaking response and I'm panicking. "No, no, no," I mutter under my breath as I check her pulse, my heart sinking when I find it weak and erratic. "Somebody help, please! S-some body, please!" I scream, my voice cracking with desperation.  I cradle Y/N in my arms, my mind racing with panic as I stroke her hair and hope against hope that she'll wake up.

The world blurs around me. Danbi is in surgery, fighting for his life, and Y/N is still unconscious, her condition unknown. I've never felt so helpless, so lost, so utterly useless. If anything happens to them, I don't know how I'll ever forgive myself. Paramedics arrive and they take her into the ambulance, working frantically to stabilize her. And I watch, sitting next to her, hands clasped together as I pray and pray and pray. I'm nothing but tons of grief, pain and desperation as I cling to the hope that she'll pull through. Surely nothing would be so wrong, right? Surely Y/N is not going to slip away from me like this.

At the hospital, doctors and nurses rush Y/N into the emergency room, and I'm left standing in the hallway, hands against the glass wall that keeps me away from her. My hands are stained with blood and I don't even know if it's Danbi's or Y/N's. I don't even know how I got here, how everything went so wrong so fast. I'm trapped in a nightmare as I watch them try to save her and time loses its meaning. Perhaps I've stayed sitting there for an eternity or for just a few minutes, I can't tell. My mind is a blur, my thoughts a jumbled mess of fear and desperation.

"Mr. Park?" A doctor steps out of the room and I run to him, my heart pounding in my chest. "I'm sorry to say that Y/N's condition is critical. She's sustained severe head trauma, and we're doing everything we can, but..." He trails off, and I feel a knot tighten in my stomach. 

"But what?" I never knew a single word would make me this weak. I never knew I never knew the weight of a single word until now. Three alphabets but they feel like three heavy boulders crashing down on me, each one crushing my spirit a little more.

The doctor sighs and looks down. "She's slipped into a coma and because she suffers from diabetes, it's hard to predict how her body will respond. We're doing our best to stabilize her, but her condition remains critical. I'm truly sorry." I watch as he bows politely and I stand there, frozen, helpless desperate. 

His words hit me like a freight train, knocking the breath out of my lungs. Coma. Critical. Sorry. My heart sinks like a stone in my chest, aching with a pain I've never known. What am I to do with all this grief? What am I to do with all this guilt? I've loved Y/N since the moment I first met her and the last thing she sees from me is frustration. If only I wasn't so cold to her, if only I understood that if she didn't want to tell me about her encounter with Seoyoung and her worries, it's because she didn't want to burden me. If only I hadn't pushed her away with my anger and disappointment. If only I had been more understanding, more patient, more supportive. Maybe then, none of this would have happened.

I collapse into the nearest chair, my head buried in my hands as tears stream down my face, but then it all hits me. It all fucking makes sense and I find myself making my way out of the hospital and to the police station where I find an old friend of mine and demand to see the CCTV footage of the area where the accident happened. We sit down in a private room and watch the scene unfold, my heart clenching with anger and sorrow.  

I see Y/N walking Danbi, the car speeding towards them, Danbi pushing her away before he gets hit. My blood turns cold when I realize that the car is indeed one of the cars Kim owns and when I tell my detective friend, he says everything will be okay and he'll gather enough information to build a strong case against them. Though I know they'd do anything to keep themselves out of reach. 

"I'm sure they will try to cover their tracks," He says and I clench my jaw, almost tasting the bitterness of anger rising in my throat. "But we'll dig deeper. And if there's any information that might help us, anything at all, please let me know." I nod, not trusting myself to speak. I'm not able to form coherent words, my mind consumed by anger, frustration and fear. If anything happens to Y/N, I'll pull Kim from whatever hole he's hiding in and make him and his daughter regret ever crossing paths with us. I will make them pay for what they've done, even if it's the last thing I do. Yeah, that's what I'll do, no matter what it takes. 

"Please, let her be okay. Please, don't take her away from me." I tighten my grip on the steering wheel when I get back into my car and drive to the hospital, breathing heavily, my heart shattering into a million tiny pieces that only she could put back together. "Please, don't let me lose her," I whisper to no one in particular, the words barely audible over the sound of my own ragged breathing. I've never been a believer, but if there's any chance that someone out there is listening, I'm begging them now. Please, let her be okay. Let her come back to me.