I DIDN'T KNOW

Chapter 4

"Oh, my goodness, are you alright?" she says eyeing suspiciously. "You just missed your mom.... Spencer are you okay?"

"No."

"Come and sit, was it work?"

"I kissed someone else."

Her eyes widen, confusion and disappointment swapping places. "What?"

"That's all I kept hearing from Jay Jay, whoever he kissed is all he could think about." Her face relaxes, letting out a sigh. Layla needs me, telling her won't solve anything. This has to stop, what am I thinking?

She doesn't look convinced but plays along, her face not relaxing one bit. "Jay Jay? Who did he kiss?"

"Don't know...I'll go take a bath and after we can go grab some food."

"Can't we eat from here?" what did I expect, she never wants to do anything but sit at home. Nodding to myself, I leave the room ready to wash this guilt off me.

After supper we both went about our night routine. Silently we came back to bed, slipped under the blankets. She started to read while I turned on my side, hoping sleep can just save me for tonight. The blankets suddenly felt heavy, and itchy.

This is her fault. If she hadn't stopped to talk to me, I wouldn't be here thinking about not thinking about her. Her kiss was amazing and I want to do it again and again. No, I mean not again of course because that would be out of pocket.

"I kissed her." What?

Where is the glue when you need it.

Sitting up from bed. Layla just staring at the book. She doesn't want to acknowledge me, well fine. "I met someone and we kissed today." This is starting to feel good. "Throwing Jay Jay in it wasn't right. I am sorry it happened."

It takes her a minute to digest what I just said. Shutting the book before sliding off the bed. Pacing like a sloth in front of the bed. She comes to a stop, spinning to face me. This is why I didn't want to say anything, she's broken. Tears slides down her cheeks, which is like a breakthrough for her to walk to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

The sobbing starts and my heart feels like its being stung by a bee repeatedly. Walking to the door. I slide down, leaning against it. Her cries are louder now that I'm closer. She shouldn't be exhausting her lungs.

"Layla come out please."

"Did you have sex with her?"

"No."

"But you would have?"

Sighing. "Layla...please."

"it's because I'm no-longer enough for you, why did you tell me?" her head or whatever bangs on the door. "You should have kept it to yourself."

Trust me I wanted to.

Someone should have given me a sign. We remain silent for another good five minutes, it could be less than that, I don't know. What I do know is that I can't feel my butt. So, I get off the floor, making as much noise as possible to let her know I am out of her way. I'll give her a few seconds to come out of the bathroom.

When she comes out, I don't know how to feel. Am I scared or what.

"What does this mean?"

"It doesn't have to mean anything Layla, I made a mistake and decided to tell you that's it nothing more, nothing less."

"So...I should just forget about this."

"If forgetting was a switch I would say yes because I don't want you to keep hurting each time you remember and I hate that you're now hurting because of me but we can't pretend this didn't happen."

She nods to herself, I would wish she sat down so that she doesn't faint. Probably realizing that her feet can't hold her for that long she comes to sit on the bed.

"Are we over?"

Pulling her in for a hug, so her head lays on my chest. "I made promise." And I plan to keep it, yes, I may have taken the wrong turn however it doesn't mean I want to continue down that path. "I can sleep in the other room if you want."

"I just don't get it."

We are in the same boat with that. Olivia is just, different. Good different. She has a drive to her that I admire, at first, I was doubting her kind behavior until she proved me wrong. Her charisma, those lips that have no business being on mine.

"I'm sorry," it's the only thing I can say.

I'm ashamed, whatever I'm thinking about is totally wrong.

Pulling out my phone has I make myself comfortable on the couch. Hope I don't provoke my shoulder again. Oh. Olivia sent a text.

OLIVIA: Just for laughs.

That's all it reads. Beneath it is a video. So, I press play and an animation starts playing. The context of it all is funny. I mean how can a bird not want to go while flying. Do they even know that they are doing it?

ME: Are they even aware, Now I am thinking about snakes, at some point I thought snakes don't piss and shit.

ME: Do you think monkeys wipe their butts.

OLIVIA: What are you going on about.

ME: You started this

OLIVIA: And you flew with it

Laughing to myself.

ME: What are you doing still up.

OLIVIA: Night shift, was exhausted but now I feel much better.

The smile starts to fade as my reality sinks in. sometimes we need to close our eyes and block out everything around us, and just breathe, gently. Because all our lives we fight to do what's right, yet it takes something small to rip everything apart.