My Mated Luna

Mira

    I thought that Logan was going to kiss me when he hugged me for so long. I had to keep breathing and tried not letting the tears that wanted to fall down, escape. I shouldn't cry over a man that I was having confusing feelings towards.
    As much as it hurt me when he told me he would have to go back home, it would probably be for the best. These thoughts and feelings I have been having are not normal. I shouldn't be wanting him.
    Even though my husband knows we hang out, I only told him he was a friend. He isn't aware of these feelings I've been having.
    Of course I could never act on these feelings. I love my husband. We've been together for a decade now. I thought we would never get to that point.
    But there is something about Logan that I can't explain, but I have a hard time not thinking about him.
    Thinking about him causes me to think about things I shouldn't.
    Everytime Logan hugs me or his hands touch some part of my skin, all I do is want to melt, my knees getting shaky. There's always this fire trail he leaves when touching me. It's an amazing feeling. A feeling I should get with my husband.

    I was out doing errands the next morning, when I got a text from Logan asking me what I was doing. I responded to him telling him I was doing errands and asked him what was up. He wanted to get dinner and see a movie that night. I had to get someone to watch the boys and then finally met up with him at the restaurant.
    What he told me once we were done eating, broke my heart. He mentioned he was needed back home and that he would be leaving in the morning.
    I asked him if I would get to see him again and his response made me feel like this would be the last moment we ever have. He had such sadness in his eyes and I wanted to reach my hand over and touch him but decided against it.
    Later at the movies, we were sitting in the very back row where there was no one around us.
    We picked out an action comedy.
     I was so focused on the movie that I didn't realize Logan was watching me until I felt his hand on mine.
    I was thankful for it being dark in the theater, so he couldn't see my cheeks turn red.
    I turned my head, squeezing his hand I smile at him and then I do something without thinking. I entwine my fingers with his and lean my head on his shoulder.
    Then, Logan reached his hand and turned my head. I could see the look in his eyes. He wants to kiss me. I want him to kiss me. I don't move when he leans closer to me.
    All of a sudden he fills the gap placing his lips on mine. If I were standing up my knees would be buckling under me. The kiss is sweet, so gentle and then it gets more intense. Oh my God! This man is going to be the end of me.
    I forgot for a second that this man was not my husband. Feeling the horror and confusion, I pulled away from him.
    "Sorry," he said, "I don't know why I did that. "
    Knowing he did know what he was doing but didn't want to say anything, I said, "it's fine. I shouldn't have let it happen."
    The movie was over and while we were at the car I tried to say something, feeling the tension between us. I knew something didn't feel right. He didn't say much after the kiss and he seemed like he was thinking about something.
    I felt something hurt in my chest when he said, "I, Logan Carter..." and paused as if he was gonna say something painful, but then the pain in my chest went away when he said he was glad he had met me, that I was an amazing person, and saying my husband was a lucky man.
    After responding to him, he pulled me into a tight hug and I felt him kiss the top of my head. Letting me go, he told me goodbye and we both got in our cars and drove away.
   
    Getting home, I go straight to bed. I lay there unable to fall asleep. And as I replay the events of tonight, I start to cry. Don't ask me why, but I have this feeling like that was a goodbye for good. I don't think I will ever see Logan again. And that shatters me.

    It's been about a month since Logan left. My heart hasn't stopped hurting. I haven't been able to sleep very well or even stop crying. My husband hasn't really noticed or if he has doesn't seem to care. I never see him. He's always "working" or so he says.
    "You look terrible!" My husband said disgusted.
    "Okay?" I replied, tears about to form in my eyes.
    "Maybe you should take a shower, you stink. And maybe start putting on makeup and dressing up more often. I might be more attracted to you then." He said harshly.
    "Well maybe you should just leave me and go back to your girlfriend." I said angrily.
    He looked a little shocked like I was stupid for just figuring it out.
    "I've always known. I just never wanted to ask." I replied to his expression.
    "Hmm...," he said, "maybe you aren't so dumb after all.
    "Maybe you should leave." I said.
    "I'm not going to be the one to leave, you are." He said, "Make sure you're not here by morning. Then he left. He didn't come back that night either.
    The next morning I was carrying my stuff down the stairs, when I tripped and fell, crashing my head hard on the end table by the front door.
    All I could see was blackness taking hold of me. Before it did, I saw a figure running down the stairs, yelling at me. I could tell in his voice that he was freaked out, before darkness taking me.