Your gonna miss me when I'm gone

chapter 21

By the time their burgers came, Beca had learnt as much as Chloe could tell her about herself. Apparently because she was an aspiring DJ, that explained why she felt at such a loss when there was no music. At first, Beca had been embarrassed to admit this to Chloe, but the redhead had been nothing but supportive throughout the day. There was still one question on Beca's mind but she decided not to ask it just yet.

The small brunette had already devoured half of her burger and was currently grabbing a handful of fries before she realised that she must look awful, shovelling food in her face the way that she was. She hadn't realised how hungry she was until the food was placed before her. And honestly, she wouldn't be able to tell anyone later if the food was actually any good.

She blushed before raising her eyes to look at Chloe. The redhead had been watching the brunette eat. It was nothing that she hadn't seen before. One time, she had seen Beca fold a whole pizza into eighths and eat it just like that. Now she was contemplating her own meal before her. She had picked at a few fries but didn't know where to begin. She didn't really want to eat. But under Beca's stern blue-eyed gaze, she picked up her burger and took a big bite from it, actually quite enjoying the taste. She looked over to Beca who smiled brightly at her before going back to her own meal.

It only took Beca another couple of minutes before she had finished her food. Chloe, not wanting to disappoint the brunette, slowly made her way through her food, finishing about fifteen minutes after Beca. She was proud that she had managed to do it too. Maybe Beca was right. Maybe they could help one another. Chloe realised that they hadn't spoken throughout the whole time that they had been eating and she wondered if Beca had any more questions. Surely this was a lot for the younger girl to take in.

When Chloe finished her meal, Beca was quick to resume the questioning. "So, you told me all about me, but what about you. Please Chloe, help me remember."

Chloe felt a little upset that Beca still didn't remember her, but after the revelation of the ladyjam, she was feeling hopeful. Again, she thought for a bit before speaking. Telling Beca who she was had been easy, but trying to explain herself was difficult. She didn't want to come across in any wrong light.

"Well, I too go to Barden. I'm in my final year, studying medicine before I go to a finishing med-school. I've been a part of the Bellas for two year and am co-captain this year, although Aubrey does have most of the power. I guess singing is my passion..." she trailed off, thinking of her nodes. She hadn't thought of them in a while and now the sadness and disappointment came rushing back.

Beca saw the change in the girl before her. The look of sadness on her features nearly broke Beca's heart. She tentatively reached across the table and took Chloe's hand, giving it a little squeeze. Chloe looked down and smiled slightly. Beca wanted to ask her what was wrong, but didn't want to upset her further.

"Why medicine?"

Chloe blue eyes shot up to Beca's. Why was she asking this? Was she trying to change the subject? Chloe felt her heart swell at the sweetness of the girl before her.

"Well, I guess that I just want to help people. I know that that sounds like such a stupid thing to say, but I really do want to help people. Some people deserve it, you know?" Chloe looked pointedly at Beca who blushed and looked down.

"It's not stupid." Beca said quietly and Chloe had to strain to hear her. "If it's something that you are passionate about, then go for it. Life's too short for regrets."

Chloe was silent for a while. "I know you don't remember much, but what would your regrets be Beca?"

Beca hesitated before speaking. "Well, I guess that I wish that I tried harder with my family. There has to be a reason that they didn't visit me. Um, I wouldn't be so closed off. I would love more. I..."

Chloe waited for Beca to continue, but the younger girl had gone quiet. "Beca?"

Beca smiled nervously at Chloe before shaking her head slightly. "It's nothing."

Chloe decided not to push her. Not when she was still so fragile anyway. The diner woman came over asking if they wanted any desert, but Beca was in too much pain so they just asked for the bill so that they could leave.

"Well. I think that was all of your questions that I answered. I'm sorry for not being more helpful about who I am..." Chloe said nervously.

Beca smiled at her and squeezed her hand that she still held. "Actually, I have one more question..."

Chloe waited but Beca had gone quiet. Chloe gently squeezed Beca's hand and smiled softly at her. "Beca? You know you can ask me anything."

Beca hesitated before sighing. "What are we Chloe?"

Chloe was confused by the question. What did she mean? Did she think that they were a couple? Did she think that they were just best-friends? Did she hope that they were only friends? "We're friends Beca. Best-friends." Chloe looked down, trying to ignore the feeling of heartache. Admitting it out loud was almost as bad as admitting it to herself, especially since she really hoped that they could be more. What she didn't see though, was the look of raw disappointment that crossed the brunette's face when she said that. Beca was now more desperate than ever to remember Chloe. There was something that Chloe wasn't telling her and she wasn't going to push her for it.

That reminded Beca of the one question that she really didn't want to ask, but couldn't get out of her mind. She hadn't realised that she must have been pulling a face because Chloe then asked, "Is there anything else Beca?"

"Um, you don't have to answer this, but why didn't you come and see me in hospital. I'm sorry, I just got really lonely." She finished quietly.

"Beca you have nothing to be sorry for. I am so sorry about that. It was selfish of me but, you have to understand, you were my best-friend Beca. I told you things that I have never even told Aubrey. When you were in that car crash, I thought that I had lost you for good. Then you fought. You fought for your life. But then the doctors said you would never wake up. But when they turned off your life-support machine, you were breathing on your own. You were still fighting. But then, when you woke up and asked me who I was, it was worse than watching you die. Because you were still there, but it wasn't you..." Chloe choked on her words a bit, realising that she had gone too far. Beca had retracted her hand. The brunette's eyes were downcast and she seemed to be thinking. "Beca, I'm so sorry-"

"No. there is nothing for you to be sorry about. You have been through a lot too." She looked up and forced a smile. "But we should get going."

Chloe nodded and went and paid for their lunch. She returned to the table and helped Beca up. The smaller girl was shaking from the pain and Chloe let her lean on her as they exited the diner. The silence around them was awkward, the first awkward silence so far, and Chloe hated herself for saying what she had. She had been so caught up in the memories that she had forgotten who she was speaking to. When she had helped Beca gently into her seat in the car, she went round to the driver's seat, desperately thinking of something that she could say.

When she had gotten in the car, she turned to Beca. "Beca, about what I said. I didn't mean that you were gone. Just different." Beca didn't respond. "It's just that I, I like you Beca..." she said quietly. Beca still hadn't responded. Chloe sighed and turned to put her seat belt on. She felt her heart break all over again and she vaguely wondered how many more times that this could happen.

She put in keys in the ignition and was about to start the engine when she heard a quiet humming from next to her. She turned to Beca who was staring out of the windscreen with a blank expression. Chloe listened to the humming it sounded familiar but she couldn't place it.

Her breath hitched when Beca sang softly.

"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose,

Fire away, fire away,

You shoot me down, but I won't fall,

I am titanium"

Chloe had forgotten how beautiful her voice was. She had to remind herself to breath. She watched as some recognition flooded into Beca's eyes. She held her breath as the brunette turned to her.

"Chloe...?"