all we can do is keep breathing

three.

feel it stutter.

||☤||

For years Louis has taken to routine morning jogs. If he isn't paged into the hospital early or on-call, Louis wakes up bright and early, and suits himself up into his running gear. Then he straps Benedict to a leash, pops in his earbuds and off they go. Benny absolutely loves it, never passing on a chance to run his little heart out, always pushing Louis to run faster. And Louis has surprisingly gotten quite good since he first started, able to run and run for miles on end without feeling the need to stop. He even bought an Apple Watch to track his fitness and all that, which is sort of fun, he supposes.

Louis tells himself that he runs to clear his mind for the day, but really he runs to distract his mind. To momentarily hit pause on all the many arduous things that traipse through his thoughts from minute to minute. It's quiet when he runs, it's peaceful. Watching his calculated steps hit the pavement one by one, attempting to keep his strides even and level as his body falls into a rhythmic pattern. It's sort of like how he feels in the O.R., able to put his mind on autopilot and just relax, needing only to focus on his breathing. It's utterly therapeutic and soothing in so many ways, Louis is practically addicted to it.

But on this particular morning as Louis runs, he doesn't feel distracted at all. In fact, all he can think about are the same two people and how they somehow ended up right back in his life. But he's only giving himself until the end of his run to meditate on anything relating to that because this morning Louis woke up with a new, confident determination. He is absolutely, unequivocally, determined to not let any of this bother him in the slightest.

Last night, Louis got several texts from Liam asking him if he wants to talk, indicating that Niall obviously filled him in last night at the bar after he left. And Zayn also left his fair share of messages, promising that he'll be there for Louis whenever he needs him. But Louis easily assured each of them that he is one hundred percent, perfectly fine because once again, he is not going to let this unexpected thing shake up his life. He is going to march right into that hospital with his chin up and head held high, and he is going to do his fucking job completely unaffected by any of his past demons.

everything is fine, i'm fine, i'm ok, i'm fine...

And out of utter self-preservation, Louis is going to keep his distance this time. He is not going to get involved and he is damn well not going to get overly invested. He is strictly going to stay within the lines of his job and perform Avery's surgery and that's it.

How things ended between him and Harry had been ugly. And it left memories Louis never wants to relive. The baby he knew and loved is a little girl now, a girl he doesn't know or need to get to know. And the Harry he knew was just a young romantic who inadvertently broke his heart and is now engaged to someone else. Their lives most certainly do not need to be intertwined again, in fact they have literally no reason to.

And it is for that reason that Louis purposely has assigned interns and residents to do all of Avery's labs and pre-op procedures. Carefully insuring that he does not have to get involved beyond what is absolutely necessary.

But as Louis passes by Avery's room that morning, just trying to mind his own business on his way down to Radiology, his gaze deviates from his intended direction. He probably shouldn't have looked, but now that he already has, Louis can't help but notice his intern, Dr. Wesley, struggling to get Avery's IV to stick properly.

Louis stops walking, watching on from a distance outside of Avery's room. She's a small feisty little thing, fiery, just like her mother was, Louis can tell. But she is clearly in pain from being repeatedly pricked by a thick needle. Avery squirms around a bit, wincing away from Charlie's touch as she grows in discomfort.