this is no longer what it started out as

🥀pretty🥀

CW: self harm, ED

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you loved phantom, you really did. something about him made you head over heels and you didn't know why. night on night off he'd beg you for sex, kissing all your most sensitive spots on your neck and jaw and looking up at you with those sweet eyes, his tail wrapped around your wrist as he attempted to persuade you. you never gave in. you wanted to, sure. you craved him, you needed him, but he was him and you were just you. you were scared that he only loved the figure he imagined under the baggy clothes, probably slim and smooth and perfect. you were convinced he could never love the real form underneath, chubby, full of self harm scars and stretch marks and peach fuzz and cellulite.

you were imperfect, and not the pretty kind. you hated yourself, and you'd often scowl at the mirror, using it to cover up how much you did hate yourself. you'd stare at your scar covered thighs, ridden with thin, sparse hair and cellulite, your flabby stupid stomach and your horrible hip dips. you'd suck in your stomach and push in all the fat, looking at your side and releasing your stomach, sighing and turning away when you remembered what you really looked like.

how could phantom continue to love you if he found out what you really looked like? you had to change. you had to fix yourself. so you did, you ran until you couldn't breathe, until you couldn't stand. you stopped eating and drank a lot of water, chugging salt water every other day to flush out your system even when there was barely anything. you looked skinnier and you weighed only 9 stone. only one more to lose until you were good enough.

you had a tape measure around your waist and you stood on a scale, criticizing yourself rather than praising yourself. you weren't losing weight fast enough. the weight loss had sped up since you started consuming nothing but water, hair skin and nails gummies and collagen green tea. you sighed and poked at your body, upset to not feel the outlines of your ribs. you frowned in the mirror and sighed in self pity, the guilt and shame morphing into pure horror as phantom walked in.

"babe, what're you doing?"

he asked softly. you quickly covered your almost completely bare body with a robe and shoved him out and sat against the door, heaving sobs and breaths leaving your body. what had you done? what had you DONE?

"homey please, let me in... what's wrong? i'm here to help you ok? i'm not angry with you and i swear that no matter what i see or what you show me im not going to be angry and our relationship won't change in myself just- please let me in"

he said softly, his cheek against the door. you unlocked it and let him in, covering yourself with a robe. he hugged you as soon as you let him enter.

"please tell me what's bothering you dove"

"i don't want to talk about it"

you whispered hoarsely, your voice breaking and muffled by his soft cotton tee. he gently stroked your hair and rested his chin on top of your head.

"you gotta tell me so i can help, yeah? i don't want tuoi to be sad like this and shut me out ok? we're in this together"

he said softly and gently combed his fingers through your hair, bringing you a bittersweet comfort you couldn't help but buckle in to.

"i don't know why you bother with me, im not pretty and i never let you have sex with me..." you murmured, your insecurities creeping up your throat.

"you're the prettiest person i know. you're amazing. and boundaries are boundaries dove, they exist for a reason. that's never been an issue for me, that's something i can deal with easily on my own," he said softly and kissed the top of your head once more.

you both stayed like that for a while, him stroking your hair as your warm, soft breath hit his chest every time you exhaled. he gently kissed the top of his head as you slowly fell asleep in his arms. once you were asleep, he brought you to your shared bed and tucked you in, kissing your forehead gently before going into the bathroom and putting the scale and measuring tape in a box and putting that in the attic. he finished and crawled into bed with you, gently cuddling into you and holding you close as you both slept. you were finally comforted, but he felt so guilty for not noticing your pain sooner. once again he kissed your forehead and got up, making a big pot of shrimp alfredo for when you woke up.

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SORRY FOR THE SHIT ENDING 😭😭