this is no longer what it started out as

silly vent

so basically when school started like 3 weeks ago i told my bsf that i liked a guy and nothing else came of that convo and like one or two days later she told me SHE liked him and it's so annoying because she's so fucking clueless all the time and she's so selfish and i get that it's not on purpose but she literally never thinks of anyone but herself it pisses me off, like when she gets her phone taken and her dad lectures her about being selfish she just doesn't know what he's talking about but she just blatantly only thinks about herself. anyway back to the guy basically these past 3 weeks my friend added me to a gc with him and we started talking a bit and i had my hopes up which ended up being really fucking stupid because last night i saw that their insta pfps were matching and when i glanced at her phone his name in it is a fucking heart so i was already upset and so my other friend (ill call her m) was upset at her for something else (again, her not thinking about anyone else's fucking problems) and i asked m if my friend was dating anyone and m said "yeah why do you like her" and i said no and she said "oh well yeah she's dating (guy i like, i'll call him j) and i explained the situation to m and she said that's fucked up so ik it's not just me and so i confronted my friend about it only for her to say she thought it would be fine because im talking to my ex again?? (im literally bothering him when im bored and nobody else is responding) so thats really fucking annoying, also if she thought it was fine then she would have fucking told me. she's genuinely pissing me off and she's so self centered and it's annoying because she doesn't even realize it????? like she had everything i want, shee thin and pretty and she has a flat stomach and makes friends so fucking easily and i don't have the chance to build relationships before she does and it's so fucking infuriating because she's so much prettier than me and she'll always have the upper hand when it comes to relationships and i'm fighting off a fucking relapse right now because my blood is fucking boiling i'm so nauseous and upset i genuinely wanna bash my fucking head against a wall. like she's so condescending too, like i asked if it was hard driving her dads truck and she was like 'no?? i got up to like 45' meanwhile im having trouble controlling my moms rav-4 sometimes so like i get it you're fucking better than me at everything what fucking ever, and i bought a hairbrush because my hair is getting longer (growing out a buzz that's about 2 inches long now and the back is reaching my neck) so its able to tangle and stuff now and its damaged from hair dye so i need to brush it or else i get insane sensory issues and i told her i bought a hairbrush in passing and she just looked at me and it made me feel so fucking stupid like on i get that you're prettier than me and better than me but can you not shove it in my face every fucking chance you get???? and ik it's not on purpose but it's still so fucking infuriating because she doesn't get how everything she does affects people because she's so unaffected by everything. i'm so fucking upset with her right now like i'm missing a math test right now because i can't focus and im shaking and just so overall fucking upset because they're fully dating now😻😻😻😻😻