Complete Undoing

SEVEN

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TILLY

I hoped that I wouldn't need to make this call so early. I gave myself a month tops but it's been two weeks in.

He is the sole purpose behind it. He's mentally insane. Fucking psychotic.

I rub my sweaty palms over my pajama pants and fish around for my phone, tapping on the number labeled Dr. Cashew.

Yes my therapist is named Cashew.

It rings once, twice, three times and she picks up, sleep coating her voice. "Hello?" Her warming voice speaks out again, "Tilly, you okay?"

I clear my voice, "yeah.. Yeah. If it's a bad time I can--"

I hear ruffling on the other side, "No darling it's fine. Are you okay?"

"No.. My chest is.. My chest is squeezing and it's.." I wheeze out.

"Breathe Tilly breath." She soothes out as I'm gasping for air trying to focus on her voice.

"Tell me five things you see."

I look around "my.. my clock"

"Okay good keep going"

"My.. dresser, the door, and my shoes."

"Good, now five things you feel."

"My comforter, my phone, my stuffy, wood, and my face." My breathing has calmed but my heart is still aratic.

"There you go honey. You're okay." She tells me softly. "What made it come on this time?"

"Everything and nothing." That's the best way to describe it.

"Does it have to do with your mom?"

"No."

"Remember what we agreed on? Live in the moment not the past okay?"

I nod to myself, "right... you're right." A long breath whooshes out of me, letting her words sink in.

I know she's right. I can't let what happened tonight get to me.

"Can you at least tell me what triggered it?"

I pick the skin around my nails, and stare at the wall infront of me. He's not even here and I'm still on edge.

I can't tell Dr. Cashew that or what happened tonight or id open a can of worms. I'm not ready to crack the seal on that one. So I lie.

"I went into the woods and it was dark." Okay not a total lie, just left out details. Big major details.

"You got flash backs." She states not questions.

"Yeah, i just felt trapped, uneasy."

"It's okay to feel that way, especially what you went through. You call me if you start to feel that way again, okay?"

"Yeah, okay promise."

The front door to the apartment slams and giggles come from behind my door. " I gotta go, Thank you for talking me down the edge."

"Anytime honey. Get some sleep."

I hang up, and listen for the giggles to stop but when Amelia closes the door to her room it gets louder.

I guess it's no sleep for me..

"You came in early last night."

Tate is facing the stove as he makes breakfast. He's the sibling that got the cooking skills.

"Yeah.. Wasn't feeling it." I shrug, sipping my apple juice.

Amelia plops down on the stool beside me and groans. "I'm never drinking again."