Could Have, Should Have, Didn't - A Narnia Fanfiction

Chapter Eighteen: Unexpected Questions

Grunting, Edmund frustratedly yanked at his blanket.

Why couldn't he simply fall asleep? Jadis and the constant nightmares prowled around in his head and each time his eyes would droop, a sense of suffocation clogged his throat.

His heart beat so fast he was certain it was stopping.

How was Jadis still haunting his mind? He knew she was not even alive, remembering the breaking of the ice wall, the destruction of the green mist. He knew he could never return to Narnia; he knew. Still, he didn't want to accept it.

Narnia. Never could he return. Something in him broke. Not just his heart, he felt all of him break.

With all of these sleepless hours, he couldn't get up and take a walk, not because of his ribs— they were feeling better these past few days— no, because Rita had fallen asleep on the stool next to him, and he didn't want to wake her up. Plus, Lucy would be very angry at him for almost "reinjuring himself".

Everyone agreed that he needed to stay put.

Knees pulled up to her chest and her head full of frizzy hair slumped down on her arms, Rita had dozed off. He could hear soft snoring if he listened close enough, coming from her half-open lips.

Rita's eyes blinked open. "Ed?"

He jumped back in his hammock, startled. "You fell asleep on the stool. I didn't want to wake you."

She rubbed her eyes. "Sorry. Have I been keeping you up?"

Swallowing and hoping the headache that he could taste on the rise would vanish, Ed shook his head. "My blanket was caught on something."

He moved in soft motions to the end of his hammock and unhooked his blanket from a nail. He sat at the end of it for a while, thinking, his hands absentmindedly picking at a loose thread on the large chunk of fabric.

If all the things he never expected to happen, happened— what Rita asked was even more surprising. More surprising than a circus blasting through the door right then.

"Do you like her?"

His hands stopped messing with the thread and his stomach flipped with the unmistakable pang of tension. What did she mean by that? "Who...?"

If this was about Ivy...

"Ivy, I mean. As a friend." Rita insisted, pushing back a strand of loose hair in the nighttime glow.

That was what she was implying. But why was she so persistent? Why would she care? It was almost like she was jealous of his and Ivy's friendship... or friendship of sorts, he wasn't sure what they were.

"Well... I guess as a friend, and..." He was beginning to wonder aloud.

Rita fidgeted. "Are you... In love with her?" She awaited his answer like her life depended on it.

This whole quiz she was asking was confusing. The breath left his lungs. "I—I..."

Well, was he? No. It wasn't love; it was desperation. But he did like her. He was unsure if his feelings for her could ever be romantic or not; truly so, anyway. "I like her a lot. Not love. No. Love is..."

Swallowing rigidly beside him, she bit her lip and sighed. "Love is not gross if that's what you were going to say. Plus, there are plenty of other girls you could like."

Amusement danced in his eyes. "Name five."

This should be interesting. Never, not even once in his life, had he ever had a crush on another girl other than Rita. Lilliandil was the one other girl he had found attractive. A few girls he would deem "nice looking" but none had he ever had a full-out crush on.