Could Have, Should Have, Didn't - A Narnia Fanfiction

Chapter Sixteen: Secrets Kept Hidden

Against the invisible restraints that kept him back and away, Edmund tried hard to reach out.

To save them. Save them all.

To save Rita. She was drowning; drowning in the cold sea, the water was choking her— burning her lungs, freezing her blood. Water invaded her system as she sank even further. As she was pulled away. He couldn't lose her.

To save Lucy and Edith, falling endlessly through the air. Breath sucked completely out of their bodies. Their eyes were wide and their screams were silent. They were so young, so innocent. Speechless. Dismissed. He couldn't save them.

To save Timothy, being chased for forever. He couldn't stop even though his legs were trembling. His face was a ghostly white, his feet were sore. But he couldn't stop, else he'd be caught. Caught and torn apart. Always being torn apart. He couldn't lose him.

To save Robert, getting pounded to the ground, over and over. His face was bloody and bruised, and his arms and legs were broken. But the punching did not cease, it only became stronger, more painful. Always being broken. He couldn't save him.

To save Susan, she was impaled by a sword. The sharp object cut through her so well, so cleanly, so easily. She didn't bleed, she didn't cry for help. Only, she kept a brave face on, she looked to be fine, and she smiled. Always being fine. He couldn't lose her.

To save Peter, being poisoned slowly. His face turned green, then pale, then lifeless. He lost all interest. He wanted the poison. The poison was all he cared about. It lessened his hurt, it made him feel numb. Poison was his downfall, yet he chose it, yet he craved it. He chose it over his family and friends. Always distant. He couldn't save him.

To save Caspian X; locked away, in a cage, far away from everyone. The cage was tight, it was suffocating, it was quiet. There was only one way out of the cage. A hole in the corner, just big enough for him to jump out of. Below the cage was complete darkness. But Caspian considered it, he waited by the hole, and he got ready to jump. Always lonely, always in need. He couldn't lose him.

To save himself, being frozen slowly, being taken away. Jadis. Ed betrayed his family again and again. All he saw was their horrified faces forever. They were disappointed, he'd given in. He hadn't been strong like they needed him to be. Peter was disgusted with him. Mum, Dad, Lucy, and Rita hated him. Susan and Edith laughed at him. Jill ignored him. Eustace, Timothy, and Robert all teased him, never forgave him, and they never cared about him. Caspian X gave up on him.

He was isolated because he hadn't been strong; he had let them all down. Weakness— his weakness.

Edmund was such a letdown.

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The stench of dirt, salt, and sweat pried his eyes open. Edmund's forehead was sticky with stress and he felt entirely out of place. The nightmare was still fresh in his mind, still creeping into his thoughts, killing all the happy thoughts he could've had left. Squeezing the life from his vision, reminding him of when he'd been sick.

What if he couldn't save them all? What if he let them all down?

Sighing, and wiping the sweat from his forehead, he stretched his arms in his hammock, digging his feet into the end of the strung-up fabric, he needed to breathe, to calm down... he inspected the ceiling, hoping to tire himself, after all of the time spent being sick, he'd slept for so long he found it even harder to do so now.

A second and a cool hand touched his forehead.

"Hello." It was Ivy and he quickly straightened himself out.

"I left Cynthia with Mrs. Anderson. You were having nightmares again." She lowered her hand, and he missed the cold it had provided for his feverishly pounding head. "Should I leave?"