Take Me Far That Road

Chapter 2 - I Wanna Be The One You're Calling

Author's Note: Episode 6 happens, but... it's a little different. And Crosshair is continuing to majorly struggle. :)

~ Amina Gila

Crosshair doesn't know why he feels so... conflicted about the mission. It's familiar. It's not unlike the things they had to do back in the war, but that feels like something out of a dream now. He's not used to it anymore. It's not that he minds.

He doesn't. Might help if Hunter hadn't insisted on Tech scanning him to make sure he was actually up to this. Which he gets, but it's – he wants things to be normal again. He doesn't want to have to deal with how things have changed, with how he's hurt and still recovering.

They're all still recovering, and Crosshair doesn't want to have to sit out the wait. Which is selfish.

That's kind of how he's survived as a slave for so long, though, so it can't be all bad. These are his brothers. He's supposed to want to take care of them too, right? Which he does, just...

At least they don't have to actually fight. It's a stealth mission. They're trying to sneak into a factory, and...

(He doesn't want to do this. He just wants to sleep.)

Maybe that's the real problem. He's perfectly capable of this, but he's unwilling. He doesn't want to go on missions yet. He just wants – all of this to not have happened.

Crosshair knows he can't turn back time, that no one can, because it's impossible, but he still wishes he could just go back to before that mission and live with them and stay with them and then they wouldn't be totally broken now. He could've met Omega the same time they did, wouldn't have to worry about them disappearing if he looks away, and his brothers wouldn't have to treat him like he's made of glass. He's not. He's a soldier. He's not going to die if they look away. He's not – they always take care of him, but it's so unnerving to see how badly shaken up they are.

(No, he's not. He's not – anything, and he wants to get to choose whatever he is. He wants – actually, Crosshair has no idea what he wants. He just wants his brothers. He doesn't care about anything else.)

He doesn't want to have to sit out the time in which they try to become reaccustomed to each other.

He doesn't want to fight. He wants to just... live, to just be and to stay with his brothers. He doesn't want to have to be afraid of losing them again, to fear something happening and being separated from them again.

Which is – that's what'll happen as long as they go on missions. On any mission.

Maybe what bothers him just as much is that Cid chose the mission for them – it wasn't something Hunter wanted. He'd been wary about it, but Cid didn't give them a choice. Add that to the never-ending list of Reasons Crosshair Does Not Like her. She's a Superior. A natborn. They're never trustworthy.

He doesn't want to do this, but he doesn't want to do anything, so Crosshair just sits it out in brooding silence, and Hunter keeps looking at him, though he has no idea if it's because he knows in the way he always did that something's wrong, or if he's just being jittery.

Predictably, when they actually get to the factory, there's police droids patrolling everywhere. Crosshair isn't overly surprised by that, or by her lack of warning. Doesn't mean he isn't annoyed, though.

Tech picks out a safe entrance spot as quickly as he always does, and they move on.

Wrecker's grumpy about how that means climbing a way-too-tall ladder for his liking, and what's even more jarring is how none of them stop to tease him about it. They always used to. Crosshair would, except he doesn't feel overly comfortable with it.