ATSV/ ITSV One shots (x reader)

Miles 42

An Ending That Didn't Happen

"You think she'll love it?"

"Miles anything you made she loved. It's good man. Honest"

I stare up to the wall, and at the new addition to the wall. There's a sudden explosion in me color next to my dad's picture. The small slight hums of blue around her beautiful hair, skin, face. Her eyes are in my most detail since well I loved to stare in em. I loved the way her eyes were the portal to her love for me. I loved the way her suit complimented her too, though anything she wore made her look exquisite. This was the piece of art I wanted to share with the world. My art. My Dream. My world. I ignore the sting in my heart and feel the new empty feeling back inside of me numbing at me. I guess my uncle notices.

"You took the pills Doc gave you for the morning?"

"....yea...."

.....a lie.

"I got a date actually"

"That's amazing man" he pats my back when we walk over the ladders and walk our opposite ways.

I hadn't been for a week now actually... A week of my thoughts and what happened crashing in my mind over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. A week or maybe the whole month of thinking to myself on everything that could have been different, every time without fail. Without the pills I took up smoking again. And this time...this time it's all getting so much worst.

At times I think I hallucinate. I smell her. I breathe her in. I see her. I hear her.

But....

But I know she ain't here.

It's been only a month since last I saw her at the art gallery where I released My Dream.

A week I've gone insane during it. My uncle dismissed me from being Prowler the first week when I'd caused a mess murder of over 200 people in 3 days. I had to be put under his watch for that same week.

I didn't mean for it to all happened. They all just had to say something about her, the smallest of comments that struck irritation in me. It wasn't my fault, I swear.

I visit her grave every second day hoping that maybe one day...she'll come back. Standing in all white waiting with the flowers I leave her, in her hand or in her hair. Smiling at me.

But she ain't never there.

It all makes me think I was so stupid. I mean I spent years hating her. I hated every thought, every word about her. And then it all disappeared and I had her again....i had her in my arms again because i realized I loved her. She was my girl. My life. And I was ready to spend the rest of it with her.

And now....now I got no one in my arms to hold because I was too slow to realize she was the one.

I tried getting over the grief. Ganke took me out to a club last week and I got someone interested in a one night stand. Only problem was I was insane. Remember?

Every touch and every look at the girl I didn't even remember what her name was, I thought and gaslight my mind into thinking she looked like my y/n. That I could find all parts of her in someone and find happiness. But as the night went on the more I realized it wasn't her. And that y/n was just someone who was never replaceable.
And I realized that half way when I was inside her. I was disgusted. Not in the girl but myself. So I fucked my anger into her. And I moaned out y/n's name. I've never tried making contact with her again.

But the girl annoyingly still tryna hit me up for a second chance. Think she thinks she can "fix" me or whatever. I liked how broken I was, but y/n wouldn't have....

And so...with everything passing second of these few weeks I've made a decision. Everyday. I've written to my mother on a note. I've written to my uncle on a note. I've written to y/n's friends who took me in as part of them when y/n and I were together. I write them a group note. I've written to Ganke who was my bestfriend since like forever. I wrote to her mom as well.

<<<<☆>>>>

(Play Am I - Jorja Smith)

Today is our anniversary. I bought a ring that I was going to propose to her with in a good month from now. I arrived at her house 2 hours ago and dropped off the letter I wrote to her mom. Getting the plushie I bought her for her birthday when we were still kids. I bought cupcakes in her favorite flavor and bought a single candle. I did all this in the afternoon,  the still at my heart like a dying heart, a heart giving up. It all hurts so much not to see or touch her. To never get to be with my muse every again. To stare into (e/c) eyes and feel as if we had our own world where nothing could harm us. It was all never gonna be the same.

The clock on the wall of our shared apartment hit 9 and I had this time left of our anniversary, the first one without her....the last one without her.

I light up my cigarette and then the candle on a cupcake on the coffee table. I had the stuffed animal in my hold and played her favorite song in the back. I picked up the cupcake and left the door to my apartment unlocked. I had everyone one's letters layed out on the table and then took a bite of the cupcake on the side. I remembered the times she'd always tell me how much she loved the flavor.

I stopped eating suddenly too nauseous to bring the food down.

I took a push then reached over to the full bag on the table. I took the bottle of champagne that was always her favorite favor and crushed the pills in the bag into dust. Every emotion and every word. Every I miss you and every I love you.

It'll take time but, she'll forgive me for this....

I took the crushed dust and poored it into the bottle slowly. The dust dissolves into the liquid like an hour glass. Each grain of dust is every second of our lived together or apart, all up untill I see her.

I finish, toss the bag to the side and take it all in, chugging it without stoppin. I take in the past month without her then the past 16 years with her, hated or loved. The hell on earth I've experienced without her in my life. No one, and nothing will help me.

I've hurt people because I can't live without her and I'll hurt many more now. Emotionally at least but it won't be forever.

The next thing i know the entire bottle is finished and it drops from my hands onto the floor. The shattered glass reflects me in small images, a small shattered lost animal without its owner.

Red eyes, messy hair, heavy eye bags, and the life in my eyes gone.

I take another puff of my jolt. Lay down. Hold onto a part of her. And stare up at the ceiling.

'I'd do it all for you...but without you here...what is there to do'

The tears fall down my face silently and feel the warmth seep over my face. I open what I think are my eye and see her.

The same (e/c) eyes I've been longing for.

The warmth embraces me into a much happier place.

This life with her in it.