Can We Make It Through This?

Chapter 2

Jake POV

Jake could tell that something was up with Johnnie. The way Johnnie would randomly space out during conversations, the way he barely came out of his room, and most obviously, how he wasn't eating. He had seen Johnnie like this before they were living together. Johnnie would come over to visit sometimes if he was in LA for shows or shooting music videos. Back then, Johnnie had opened up about some of his struggles with his mental health, but Jake knew there were parts he left (which was fine because they weren't necessarily that close yet and it wasn't really Jake's place to pry any further). But Jake could see the same tired expression on Johnnie's face that was there at that time too. What really sealed it for him was when Johnnie had said what he said during their drinking stream.

"Brooo just give me back the drink. I don't want to feel anything anymore."

Jake looked over at Tara, immediately. He knew that it wasn't necessarily the best thing to do, but he felt like he needed to open up to someone about what he was noticing about Johnnie. Tara, being one of people closest to him other than Johnnie, was the one he turned to. The night he called her was a blur, even though it was only like a week ago. It was the day Johnnie had left to go visit his family and Jake had gone into his room to grab some makeup for a video idea he had. Not knowing exactly which drawer Johnnie had kept his makeup in, he opened a few random drawers to take a look. Just as he was about to close one of the drawers, something had caught his eyes- a small box slightly opened to reveal tons of shiny silver blades.

Jake was very well aware that Johnnie was cautious about not keeping too many blades around himself. Even when Johnnie had forgotten his electric razor one time, he had asked Jake if he would stay in the bathroom while he shaved using his razor that had blades in it. Johnnie had later admitted that he was probably being a bit extreme with how careful he was being but Jake didn't mind- just as long as Johnnie was safe.

So when Jake saw the razor blades, he could feel his heart sink and start racing. He wasn't one to get many panic or anxiety attacks, but he could tell that his reaction was just that. His first instinct was to call Tara. Though they had broken up, the two of them were still like an unbeatable duo. When one of them was down, the other could immediately make them feel better. Tara picked up almost immediately.

"Hey, what's u-" Tara began, "Jake, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Anxious." Jake managed to get out.

Tara jumped into a breathing exercise that she had learned when she was getting pretty frequent panic attacks. Jake only semi-remembered her calming him down because his body felt like it was practically shutting down, he just knew that Tara got him grounded again.

"Hey, do you wanna talk about it?" her voice was much softer than it was when she had first picked up the phone.

Jake wasn't sure how to go about telling her. He didn't want to invade Johnnie's privacy and for all he knew Johnnie just wasn't as scared about keeping blades in his room. But he knew he wouldn't be able to hold it in for the few days that Johnnie was gone, and he didn't want to bother Johnnie while was away either. Plus, he had seen Johnnie behavior the ;last few days before he left. So he answered Tara honestly, "It's about Johnnie."

"Is he okay?" Her concern was very obviously expressed by her tone, "Did he get home okay?"

"Yeah, it's nothing like that, it's..." Jake couldn't find the words to tell her. He had to though. In the end, she was one of Johnnie's best friends too. "I'm just really worried about him."

"Did something happen?"

"How much do you know about his past mental health shit?"

There was a brief silence on the other end. "Jake, you're starting to scare me. What's wrong with Johnnie?"