Can We Make It Through This?

Chapter 5

Jake's POV

"Hey look, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Jake said to Johnnie, who was obviously avoiding looking at him.

"Yeah." Jake watched as Johnnie walked down the hallway to his room and shut the door. He just stood there for a minute not sure what to do. He didn't want to be too harsh or pushy, but at the same time, he was scared for Johnnie. Eventually, he also headed to his room.

-The Next Day-

Jake woke up to the sound of his 8am alarm blaring in his ear. He groaned, stretching to turn off the alarm. He did his morning routine pretty quickly and headed downstairs to the kitchen to get some breakfast. One of the first things he saw when he entered the kitchen was the camera that the three of them had used to record on the day before. After getting some food, Jake went upstairs with the camera. Though it was Johnnie's video, Jake knew that editing a video was the last thing that Johnnie needed right now.

So Jake went up to his room and sat down to work. Because the trio didn't stay at the store for too long, the video wouldn't take too long to edit anyways. It only took him about an hour to edit which was relatively easy compared to other videos. Once he saved the file, he sent it over to Johnnie, hoping that it would give some relief to Johnnie. Eventually, after scrolling through his phone for a few minutes, he made his way down stairs again and sat on the sofa in the living room with a random Netflix show that he started a few days before.

Soon enough, Johnnie made his way down stairs as well. Jake couldn't help but notice how beaten down he looked. Johnnie flopped down next to Jake and started watching the show with him without a word. Jake paused the show and looked over at Johnnie, who's hair was a mess and had makeup smudged all over his eyes.

"You good, dude?" Jake knew the answer, but he really wanted Johnnie to say it himself. Johnnie just looked down and let out a deep breath.

"I don't even know anymore," Johnnie replied in a monotone voice.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Johnnie started to fidget with his hands, "I mean not really, but if you're just gonna keep hovering over me like you have been, I might as well just say it I guess."

There was a moment of silence. Was Jake really being that overbearing? He wasn't trying to be. He was just worried. "Sorry I didn't mean to say it like that. I just don't like people noticing that I'm struggling," Johnnie finally said.

Jake nodded slowly. "It's okay. I just want to know that you're safe." Johnnie sucked in a breath.

"Um, I don't know how to talk about it honestly. I mean obviously I have depression and stuff but I guess I didn't realise how bad it was getting recently. I think you probably noticed before me."

Johnnie's POV

Was he really about to tell Jake? He knew Jake would be nothing but supportive, but there was always that part of him that didn't want the help. He didn't feel like he deserved it.

"I-um.." Johnnie stared at the floor. He really just wanted to curl up in his room.

"I guess the main thing is that everything is starting to catch up to me like work and also just things from the past. I've really been struggling to eat and stuff. I mean you definitely have caught onto that. Yesterday, I was just really fucking stressed so sorry for just bringing the mood down."

Jake nodded encouragingly. "It's fine, Johnnie. We all have bad days, but this has been more than a day. And I know that eating is something that you struggle with when you're in a bad place, but I also know that you self-sabotage in a lot of other ways too." It was obvious what Jake was alluding to and Johnnie didn't know how to answer.

"Jake, please don't make me say anymore." Johnnie finally looked Jake in the eye, begging.

"You relapsed, didn't you?" Jake said softly, trying to grab Johnnie's hand to comfort him. Johnnie pulled his hand away quickly and looked away again.

"I'm sorry," was all that Johnnie could say before he got up off of the sofa and started to pace towards his room.

Jake POV

Jake couldn't just let it go this time. Johnnie had pretty much just admitted to cutting himself again. It was all starting to make sense. The way that Johnnie tensed up when Jake touched his leg the day before. The way his eyes were bloodshot before they went to the diner. Before Johnnie could get to his room, Jake engulfed him in a hug from behind and whispered, "Please, Johnnie. I just want you to be safe."

Johnnie stopped in his tracks and turned around to face Jake. After a few seconds, he also threw his arms around Jake. The two stood there, outside of Johnnie's room, for a good few minutes before Johnnie finally pulled away.

Jake looked down at Johnnie's eyes which were full of tears. "How bad is it?" Jake said as gently as he could.

Johnnie let out a deep breath and looked away. "Pretty bad." Jake just held Johnnie and the two stood there together for a few moments.

"Would you let me see? I just want to know if we need to take you to the hospital or not."

Johnnie's eyes filled with fear. "Uh, I would rather not, honestly." Jake nodded slowly.

"I can't force you I guess. But please just take care of the cuts properly," Jake said, not sure where to go from there.

"Hey, um, thanks for editing the video," Johnnie said, breaking the awkward silence between them.

"Yeah, no problem. I figured it was the last thing you needed right now," Jake replied, softly.

After a few moments of silence, Jake said, "But Johnnie, what are we gonna do?"

Johnnie's POV

Johnnie didn't know either honestly. He wasn't even going to admit the self harm part to Jake but for some reason, when Jake brought it up, he couldn't deny it. It was obvious that he was a danger to himself right now, but he really didn't want Jake to suddenly be watching him like he would snap at any moment. He also really didn't want to go to a psych ward again.

"Can you at least just give me the box of razors?" Jake finally said. How did Jake even know about the razors?

His surprise must have shown because Jake sighed a little and admitted how he had found them. "I didn't want to say anything then because I thought I was probably just overreacting. I kinda regret that now to be honest."

"Oh." was all that Johnnie replied with. He didn't know that Jake was so worried about him the last few weeks. Yeah, he knew that Jake was catching on to some things, but he had no idea that Jake knew that much. He could feel the guilt surging through him for putting Jake in that position. "Yeah, I'll go get the box."

This was pretty much the most emo walk of shame someone could think of. Johnnie spotted the bloody razor from the day before and contemplated whether or not to keep that one. Just in case he needed it. Finally, he decided against it. He was trying to get better, right? He stuffed the bloody razor into the box with the rest and went back out the living room where Jake was. He handed Jake the box silently and sat down next to him.

"Look, I know there's a lot more that we haven't talked about, but I just want you to know that I may not understand everything, but I will always listen to you and help you when you need it. I also know that there are a lot of other ways that you could hurt yourself, so please don't turn to other methods just because this one is gone." Jake said.

Johnnie nodded slowly. "Thanks Jake." The two looked at each other for a few moments before settling in and started watching the show that was playing on the TV.

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get out, but I've had a lot of mental health stuff going on as well as exam season approaching. So this chapter was a tiny bit rushed and a little shorter than the first few, but I really hope you guys enjoy! Take care of yourselves! <3