And Everything Nice

Chapter 5

"You're saying you think it was accidental magic?" Despite having showered, she couldn't help but worry there were still feathers trapped in her curls. "That hasn't happened to me since I was a child."
Hands tucked gracefully in his pockets, Draco shrugged. "Extreme emotion can trigger accidental magical outbursts in mature witches and wizards, too." His lips quirked. "Come on, Granger, that was pretty damn spectacular."
Theo slipped down the banister, landing on his toes, righting himself at the last minute. He turned and grinned. "Quite spectacular. Besides, it would figure, what with our affinity— magical, I mean—being what it is. Working off of the whole idea of multiplying magic and compatibility being similar to wand affinity, I'd say what we just did was like giving you two wands instead of the usual—"
"Stop." She laughed, shoving his arm. "You are not comparing your"—she dropped her voice —"cock to a wand. That's ridiculous. It's not a magical instrument, Theo."
He arched a brow. "That's not what it sounded like upstairs."
Draco coughed into his fist and shrugged. "Well, he has a point. You did perform
traditionally wandless, accidental magic, covering the room in feathers."
She bit the inside of her cheek. That did give a whole new meaning to the proper pronunciation of Leviosa, didn't it? Little had she known there was a bit more ahhh to it than she'd first thought.
"And you ruined our pillows," Theo said, sounding a bit put out.
"Whoops?" She shrugged. "At least I didn't break anything valuable. Just in case, perhaps we
shouldn't do...that until—"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Theo set his hands on her shoulders. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
No harm done. Right, Draco?"
Draco grinned. "Right. We'll just replace anything you happen to break in the throes of orgasm."
"Exactly." Theo said. "Ridiculous, suggesting we not do that."
"I wasn't suggesting never," she said. "I only meant until, I don't know, bonding is supposed
to settle this, right? Strengthen it, but make it a less temperamental?" "Until we get married?" Theo frowned.

"I didn't say no sex, I meant that sex." She shook her head, chuckling softly. "We don't even do that terribly often."
Theo tutted. "A crying shame."
Draco hummed in agreement. "The true travesty."
"You do recognize the irony in this, yes?" She stopped walking. "You both are whinging about a bit of abstinence, not even total abstinence mind, when—who exactly made whom wait to have sex in the first place?"
Theo jerked a thumb at Draco. "He did."
"Sweet Salazar." Draco pinched the bridge of his nose. "Not even a month, Granger. And besides, it's not like in that single month you were left wanting." He smirked. "Or are you forgetting about how you crawled into my lap and slipped my hand inside your knickers in the middle of the library?"
Her face heated.
Theo lifted a finger. "He has a point."
"Ha!" She gesticulated wildly at the space around them. "And this is any different, how? I'm not suggesting total denial, only of that."
"What a load of shite," Theo muttered, pouting.
Draco chuckled, glancing up from beneath his lashes. "Color me surprised that you would stoop to use a false equivalence to argue your point."
"I beg your pardon?" She crossed her arms.
Draco stared.
"Well?" She huffed.
"You said, I beg your pardon." He shrugged, cheek twitching. "I'm waiting for you to beg for it."
"Oh, you—" She swatted his arm, stepping after him when he stumbled backward out of reach, laughing as he avoided her hands. Theo chuckled but stayed out of their way.
"Stop." Draco snared both her hands in his, smiling down at her. "I'm teasing. No need to get violent with me."
"Oh, come on." Theo tsked. "Don't act as if you don't like it."
He rolled his eyes. "My point was, you're using a logical fallacy, acting as if the situations are identical. They're not." He swept his thumbs against her palms. "You couldn't miss what you'd never had."

"We know exactly what we'd be missing," Theo added.
"Fine." She wiggled out of Draco's hold and lifted her hands, conceding defeat. Not that
she'd argued very hard...for reasons. "I'll keep ruining the pillows." "Better those than the books," Draco pointed out.
Dropping the subject, they entered the dining room. Across from one another, Narcissa and Lucius were already seated. And uncharacteristically quiet.
"Good evening," she greeted, smiling as she slipped into her chair. Draco nudged her seat a little closer to the table before rounding the table to the opposite side. Theo, as always, sat beside her.
Narcissa's blue eyes flitted across the table before resuming the stare-off with her place setting. "Feeling better, I presume?"
Draco frowned. She'd never really answered or explained what exactly had had her in bed. Thankfully, Theo and Draco had both been easily distracted.
She glanced at Theo when she felt eyes on her from the side. His brow was pinched, his lips turned down, his eyes inquisitive. She turned away, avoiding his silent question lest her own eyes give too much away. Theo was too perceptive, read her too easily. "Much better."
Narcissa smiled at the table. "That's—that's good."
Lucius cleared his throat. His face was an unreadable, neutral mask, but his eyes seemed to
be laughing. At her. "My apologies. I had a...tickle."
Right.
Lucius, for all his icy stoicism and finery, was strangely normal, if such a thing as normal truly existed. These two months in the manor had humanized Lucius, more than ever. Not that they spent actual time together, no, but their paths crossed and they took most suppers and the occasional breakfast together. Lucius tended to keep to a separate wing, easy to do in a house this size, but there were times she'd stumbled upon him in the library or the sitting room, one memorable occasion in the kitchens. He'd been in the middle of fixing himself a toasted cheese using the Muggle oven because he still wasn't allowed a wand and—if only she'd known, back in fifth year, that one day she'd stumble upon Lucius Malfoy, Death Eater and all around menace, fiddling with the dials of an oven and mumbling to himself about the proper degree of meltiness and why isn't this damn thing crisping?, she'd have thought herself mad.
She'd disguised her laughter with a cough and he'd turned, grey eyes widening briefly in abject horror at being discovered, before his entire countenance had shifted. He'd drawn himself up, posture perfecting, and looked down his nose at her. "Perhaps you can fix this. I'm sure you're accustomed to these"—he'd gritted his teeth— "Muggle innovations."
And that was the day she'd introduced Lucius Malfoy to the wonders of the broiler.

It was rather difficult to remain intimidated by a man bested by an oven. Not that she was comfortable in his presence, not quite, but it was less awkward than she'd have thought, living in the same house.
Why he'd be laughing at her, though, she hadn't the faintest idea. Unless she did have feathers in her hair...
Ignoring him, and because a bit of guilt at her fib lingered, she turned back to Narcissa and added, "Milly brought up some of the wedding magazines and I flipped through several."
"Oh?" Narcissa didn't lift her eyes from the table. Gods, what was with them? Narcissa wouldn't look at her and Lucius, he continued to look somehow both bored and amused. "That's wonderful, Hermione."
She glanced at Draco, then Theo, both looking equally as confused as her by this sudden stiltedness.
Well, she wasn't one to beat around the bush. "Did I do something, Narcissa? You seem a bit...off."
Narcissa raised her head, eyes widening as she finally looked at her. "No, of course not. You're perfectly fine, dear. I'm terribly sorry for giving you the wrong impression. I'm wonderful. I promise."
She didn't sound insincere, though she did reach for her glass of water, which she gulped down a third of rather hastily.
Across the table, Draco lifted his shoulders in a subtle shrug. Huh.
The meal appeared, serving dishes brimming with couscous and roasted chicken.
"Looks delicious as usual." Theo appeared to be barely restraining himself from digging in. They had worked up quite the appetite.
They were hungry, yes, but that didn't entirely explain why the only sound that filled the dining room was the occasional, quiet clang of silverware against china. Usually, the conversations were lively. Not boisterous as the meals at the Burrow were, no, but conversation normally flowed easily between her, Draco, Theo, and Narcissa, while Lucius would interject a comment here or there, usually something well-reasoned, and occasionally surprisingly droll, a welcome addition, if not one that had taken a bit of time to get used to.
No, this was odd.
Theo seemed to think so, too, opening his mouth only to shut it when Lucius once again
cleared his throat.
"Draco?"
Draco lifted his head, brows flying to his hairline. "Yes?"

Their relationship had improved, Draco slowly warming up to his father, but the net sum of their interactions was rather chilly. Cautiously wary, Draco still looked at Lucius askance, studying him carefully as if waiting for the moment when the man would reveal this, his changed behavior, had all been some sort of farce. At least they—namely Draco—had moved beyond open antagonism and was giving his father a chance. A bit of wariness was warranted, she figured. She hadn't entirely dropped her guard, either, and she wasn't sure she ever would, not on a subconscious level, at least.
Lucius set his fork aside. "If I asked you to mend a tear in my shirtsleeve, what charm would you cast?"
Draco looked confused, brows furrowing. "What have you been doing that's torn your—"
"A hypothetical question," Lucius said.
"Reparo," Draco answered. The obviously was strongly implied.
Lucius reached for his wine. "And if I requested you turn the wine in this glass, say, green, how would you do it?"
Draco frowned. "Colovaria viridis."
After taking a sip, Lucius set the glass aside, expression thoughtful. "How would you turn a
glass of vinegar into wine?"
Oh, she was good at that, but—what exactly was Lucius getting at?
"Acidum vinum." Draco shoved his plate aside with no little irritation. "I wasn't aware I was to be tested. I did receive an Outstanding on my charms' N.E.W.T, or have you forgotten already?"
She set her spoon down and turned her head. Theo glanced at her with wide, worried eyes. They hadn't ramped up like this in weeks.
Lucius shook his head, face giving nothing away. "It is not a test, Draco. I simply find myself confused."
Draco reared back. "About what? Basic charms?"
"No." Lucius waved his hand, batting the suggestion aside as if it were as ridiculous as it sounded. "Of course not. I only find it curious how you know so very much and yet, somehow, it appears a simple muffliato is beyond your capabilities."
"That's absurd." Draco's jaw clenched. "I can absolutely cast a—"
No. She shut her eyes, pieces of the puzzle falling into place. Why Lucius looked so dryly amused. Why Narcissa wouldn't meet her eyes.
Comprehension dawned on Draco, his grey eyes widening as color rose in his cheeks.

Humiliation burned bright, her face sizzling. "Oh, God."
"Why yes, Miss Granger, you do tend to say that phrase frequently." Lucius steepled his fingers. "I wouldn't have the extreme misfortune of knowing this particular intimate quirk had you been more judicious with your charms, Draco."
"Lucius." The crest's of Narcissa's cheeks were tinged pink.
Expression torn between indignancy and shame, Draco opened his mouth, but nothing came
out.
Theo coughed. "Awkward."
"Thank you for stating the obvious," Hermione hissed, dropping her head into her hands.
"Ah, Theodore, yes, I suppose I should give you the same lecture," Lucius said. "Fair is fair. You, too, should've known better. The only reason I'm not chastising Miss Granger is that I was raised to believe it was the man's responsibility to cast certain pertinent charms. Call me old fashioned, in that, I suppose. I'd have hoped one of the two of you would have still had your wits about you. Alas..."
"I'm choosing to take that as a compliment as to my—ow." Theo hissed through his teeth. "Don't kick me, Draco. Your loafers hurt like a mother—okay, okay."
She loved Theo down to her bones and then still even deeper, but sometimes when his cheek crossed a line, she really wanted to wring his neck. Lovingly.
A crack of apparition sounded beside her, but she refused to open her eyes. "Would Mistress Hermione like more wine?" Milly asked.
"Yes, please, Milly," her voice was muffled by her hands, but hopefully Milly would understand because if Hermione couldn't sink through the floor, and it seemed no amount of wishing for it to happen would make it so, she could at least soften the sting of humiliation with alcohol.
Theo laughed. "Why don't you—yeah, just keep pouring. No, to the—yeah, that's good, Milly. You're a peach."
She lifted her head and opened her eyes to reach for her very full glass of wine. All right. Theo had redeemed himself. For now.
"Perhaps it would be best if you demonstrated, Draco," Lucius suggested, expression still infuriatingly neutral save for that persistent twitch in his left cheek and his laughing eyes. "Make certain you aren't out of practice with the charm so the rest of the occupants of the manor—in case you forgot there are others living here—can rest easy knowing we needn't overhear you...fornicating, in the future. Go on. Theodore, you, too. Miss Granger, too, if you feel so inclined."
If she never heard the word fornicate pass his lips, it would still be too soon.

"Lucius," Narcissa hissed. "That is enough. You are embarrassing them." Embarrassment had no doubt been the point.
"I simply would like to make sure our son hasn't forgotten the charm, Cissa," he said, brows rising imperiously. "If he's forgotten one, it's not unreasonable that he'll forget another. Perhaps one a touch more critical in instances such as these."
Draco pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.
"And I"—Narcissa's voice rose— "would like to have grandchildren in this lifetime and with the rate you are going, that will never happen, charms aside. Quit discouraging them or Draco will never sire an heir and the Malfoy line will die. How would you like that, Lucius? Hmm?"
Theo snorted. "Now hold on. That's a tad extreme. The shame would wear off eventually, so I wouldn't say never—"
"Theo," she chided. The last thing they needed was to add fuel to the fire.
Draco looked like he was about to burst, his face crimson. "Understood. Now, can we please move on?"
Narcissa continued to stare at Lucius across the table, gaze hawkish. "Lucius?"
His eyes widened and for a brief moment, the man looked first shocked at having the tables turned, then appropriately chastened. "Yes, dear."
Silence blanketed the room, thick and oppressive.
Narcissa cleared her throat before smiling broadly. "Who'd like pudding?"
*** "Well," Theo said. "It could've been worse."
"How? How exactly could that have possibly been worse?" she demanded. They'd heard them—her—while they were—ugh.
It wasn't as if she didn't know that Lucius and Narcissa knew they had sex—obviously they knew, they weren't daft—but there were lines, and knowing that her future in-laws knew what she sounded like in the throes of passion crossed those lines and then some.
Draco was silent as they walked up the stairs. Silent and pale, he looked as if he needed to lie down.
"They could've walked in on us," Theo suggested. "Not like that hasn't happened." "Not to me, it hasn't," she retorted.

And thank Merlin. It was awful enough knowing they'd overheard her—Gods, she'd been dreadfully loud, hadn't she?
"Eh." Theo waved her off like it was no big deal. Which, considering the stories he and Draco had shared about Narcissa walking in on them, maybe to him it wasn't. "Perils of sharing a house with your in-laws. At least you haven't overheard them."
She froze one stair from the second floor. "You have?"
Draco looked in need of a good brain bleaching. "While I suppose it's... nice my mother and father still love one another, I could've gone my entire life not having firsthand knowledge of what they sound like while loving one another."
Behind him, Theo waggled his brows.
"Look on the bright side," he said, looping an arm around Draco's shoulders. "Your father, in a roundabout way, gave his seal of approval."
"Was that still indeterminate?" she asked.
Wouldn't he have voiced some sort disapproval before? Perhaps when he'd first learned of their relationship, or maybe when she'd moved in, or, you know, when they'd gotten engaged? A bit late, now.
"There's a lack of disapproval versus his actual approval," Theo said. "He could've said nothing, or ordered Draco to be more discreet, but this..." Theo chuckled. "Lucius Malfoy just took the mickey out of all of us."
Draco sputtered out a laugh and she, despite the lingering embarrassment, joined in.