My Imperfect Mora Ponnu

#1 Diary

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Dharani

Sitting on the bench in the garden, I kept looking at all those flowers and insects that came in search of nectar. One of those butterflies flew towards me and rested on my hand that I kept beside me until I jerked hearing someone call my name. The butterfly flew away from me just as my peace had disappeared. My name in her shrieking voice made me hate my name.

"Dharani!" She called again and I went inside the house.

"Enga d pona ivlo neram? Evlo vela irukku. Po poi saapadu eduthu vei." Nalini, my stepmother's voice echoed in the kitchen as she walked out after bumping her shoulder into mine with force.

"Ahh.." I hissed but started with my work. I prepared chappati and heated the gravy that I made earlier this evening.

Arranging the food on the dining table I went to call Kavin. Nalini's relative. Her elder sister's son. He is doing his MBA last year and working as an intern in my dad's office. I knocked on his study room's door and he opened it. "Saapadu vachiten. Vaanga." I said and turned on my heels before he replied. He was the brain of Nalini. She would never disobey his words.

While they ate at the dining table outside the kitchen, I sat on the kitchen counter crossed my legs, and finished my dinner. I cleaned the kitchen and entered my dad's room. He was sleeping there. I don't know if he's feeling peace or going through any mental stress. After all, being paralyzed for years doesn't do any good. I used to be talkative but now how many times I open my mouth to speak in this house can be counted easily. After a phase, I stopped talking to my dad too. He could hear. That's what doctors said but I didn't want to disturb his mental peace. I closed the window screen and checked the IV before leaving the room.

Reaching my room on the first floor I took out my diary gifted by my home tutor. She noticed how much I had reduced my talking. She explained how I can be expressive at least in words. Sitting near the window, I opened the window and started writing as something happened that I am extremely happy about.

"8 vayasula amma cancer la erandhappo valichidhu dha but adhukku apro innum valichidhu.

Amma erandha oru varushathlaye Appa innoru lady ah kalyanam pannikitaanga. Appa kuda vela paartha lady dha. Infact Amma ku kuda theriyum. Ore oru party la adhukku munaadi avangala paarthurukken. Adhukku apro na avangala paarthadhu en Appa kuda register office la dha. But Appa enkita ketu dha ellam senjaanga. Apo enakku pudhu amma kedaikka poraanga nu laam sandhosham illa. Family la Appa and enna thavara oru aal add aaga poraanga nu dha enakku sandhosham.

Andha lady ah kalyanam pannikitadhukku apro kuda na Amma va marakkala. Daily night Amma va nenachi azhuven. Appa adha paathuttu kashta paduvaanga. So adha naala andha pudhu lady kuda sera try pannen. Avanga enna oru kutty ponna handle pannaanga but avanga ponna nenaikave illa. Na adha edhir paakavum illa.

Amma ku last stage cancer la dha diagnose panna naala kaapaatha mudila. But 2 years la Appa ku accident aanappo romba bayandhutten. Appa en amma erandha piragu en Amma oda relatives yaaraiyum contact panla because avarukka Amma va kaapaatha mudilandra oru guilt. But Appa ku accident aanappo avanga vandhaanga. Periya mama, atha and Veera mama vandhaanga. But andha Nalini family la irundhu en Appa va paakavo illa care pannavo yaarum varla. Anaikku dha enakku family oda real meaning purinjidhu."

Anaikku nadandhadhu enakku innum apdiye nybagam irukku.

I was sitting in an abandoned side of the hospital near the store room, in tears. That's when I heard Veera's voice. "Amma.. papa inga irukka" he said to his parents who were probably searching for me after not being able to find me near the emergency ward where Dad was admitted. He came running to me and kneeled before me. He lifted my chin and cupped my face to make me look at him. " Ammu?" He called and I started crying loudly hugging him tightly. Probably years of pain burst into tears that time. "Shh... Azhadhe Ammu... Mama ku onnum agaadhu.." he said as he hugged me tight in his embrace and patted my head. I felt safe there. I felt at home after much time. Maybe I had unknowingly grown distant from my father after my mother's death.