Yourself

Reunited

Getting off the ship's gangway was much harder than Reiner had anticipated. It wasn't just the clamor of the crowd and the large number of people gathered to welcome them that made his legs feel heavy, but the thought of having to face the ghosts of his failure: what would he say to Mr. Leonhard and the Hoovers if he ran into them?
The shame weighed heavily on his heart like a boulder, and the awareness that all the pain the families of his comrades would feel was solely his fault made it hard for him to breathe. He was terrified at the thought of facing their gazes while he could return home and sit at the table with his mother and Gabi.

It would have been nice to finally see them both again and taste the much longed-for normalcy in his home; he could already imagine, once off the ship, walking through the streets of his city that he had missed so much and finally not feeling like a stranger among people anymore. With a bit of luck, maybe, along the way home, he would also meet Leda and her grandmother; he would be able to return to that kitchen where, as a child, he had always felt so safe and filled with affection. A smile imperceptibly lifted the corner of his lips.

"What are you even thinking?" his conscience abruptly brought him back to reality. "You have no right to fantasize about normal moments while everyone else is suffering. Berthold will never be able to return home, Marcel will never embrace Porko again, and Annie will never see her father again. How can you even think you deserve to smile so lightly?"

Shame weighed on his heart like a boulder once again, this time even heavier. Reiner took his first steps along the gangway uncertainly, keeping his gaze low. Zeke and Pieck were ahead of him, perfectly at ease, as two Marleyan soldiers held the prisoner Ymir by both arms, forcing her to descend- not that the girl was resisting, anyway. Reiner couldn't help but stare fixedly at the metal of the heavy gangway even when Zeke told him in a subdued tone that he would do better to conceal his fatigue. "You are Marley's shield, Reiner, behave as such. All these people have come to see your return, try to sell the story that it is a triumphant return, at least."

He struggled to straighten his back and lift his chin to face the people in front of him, frantically his eyes scanned the crowd back and forth and he did not see either the Hoovers or Mr. Leonhard: they were probably already informed and had spared themselves from witnessing the pitiful return of the false hero of the mission.

He felt embarrassed to realize he was glad about it.

Once he realized that, for the moment, the confrontation with his guilt could be postponed, even if only slightly, he began to search among the crowd for the faces of his family; it didn't take long for him to spot a small group of cadets and soldiers with their cars waiting in a parking lot on the dock with his mother and Gabi waving to be seen in the distance. Next to her, Porco was helping someone make their way through the crowd. Leda, holding Porco's hand, peeked out from behind a man much taller than her and managed to position herself near the boy, finally gaining an ideal spot to witness their return.

The weight on Reiner's heart seemed to dissolve into a burning sensation.

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For five years, she had prayed every night to see him again, and finally her prayers had been answered; he was there. Reiner Braun was finally home.

If Porco hadn't held her hand at that moment, Leda would have darted in Reiner's direction. She would have run breathlessly those few meters between them to erase completely the distance that had kept her away from him for so long; she would have thrown herself into his arms and hugged him, preventing him from leaving again.