Yourself

Not Bothering you again

Reiner felt bad for asking that question and just hoped he didn't make Leda feel worse. As she was telling that story of hers, Reiner somehow involuntarily touched her hand, as if in sign of support. Reiner wasn't always perfect with words, which was obvious, but it never meant that he didn't care. With this touch Reiner wanted to tell, that he cares, sincerely.

She sneaked out to my room and took my shirt, because... It made her feel better?

Even thought they were talking about something rather sad, Reiner smiled internally.

I know my mom isn't easy - Reiner even pictured that moment when Leda was found in his bed.

I wish I was there, right beside her, to help out - Reiner thought, feeling regret that he wasn't there for her when she needed him the most. But then she said that.

Pock entered the picture - her words resonated in his mind - of course. I wasn't there for her, but he was.

Reiner didn't like Porco, never did, but there's nothing he could have done or still can do in this situation. Though he couldn't help but feel something he's not used to feel, something unpleasant.

"Porco entered the picture?" - he repeated, moving his hand off Leda's and simply putting it by her side.

She noticed how he took away his hand a little and the slight movement felt like a stab to her.

"Mhm. We just ended up spending most of our time together. We both were alone, rejected and depressed. We clicked. That's it."

Leda tried to hint at what kind of bind they had without getting in too much details, but found herself unable to.

"I desperately needed a sort of connection, you know? Something that could tied me to our shared past and he was...the closest I could get. He became the only bound I had with...the time when we were all together."

She bit her lips regretting almost immediately choosing to tell him the truth.

"Porco was the closest I could get to you."

Reiner mastered the most emotionless face he could only master.

He finally figured out what kind of feeling he had at the moment. Of course, like any other person he could be jealous - as a kid he could get jealous if Bertl chose the company of someone else, not Reiner, on rare occasions. But this jealousy he was feeling at the moment was different. Much deeper, the kind of jealousy, from which the guts tighten and it feels like they whirl in one's stomach. This was something new to him and he didn't even understand why he felt that way.

To Leda he was a childhood friend lost for 5 years and they popped out of nowhere to enter her ongoing life. It was obvious and Reiner hated himself for the way he was feeling right now.

They clicked... they ... clicked - he wondered whether it really meant what he thought. Probably yes, based on how carefully Leda put it.

Reiner felt like her last utterance was said just to make it look like it was about him. He didn't understand why she would say something like that and at some point he didn't want to understand.

What did you expect? - he questioned himself - She felt bad and "clicked" with someone who was close to her, unlike you. - Reiner almost mocked himself in his head.

With still emotionless face, he took his hand away from her and propped his head on it.

"I see. Understandable." - he said calmly. And that's really understandable, even though he didn't like it, it was nothing but his stupid emotion, in fact he really understood her.