Fractured Truths | Spencer Reid

CHAPTER FIVE

It's officially been a year since my mother's passing. I have missed my lectures the past 2 days, staying in bed barely eating, not sleeping I just stare at the wall devoid of any emotion. I guess feeling nothing at all is better than letting the pain and misery in.

Having enough of feeling sorry for myself I drag myself out of bed and get ready. If I can't feel anything I can at least be drunk and not feel anything maybe then I can get my mind off everything. Dressed in a black satin wrap dress, silver necklace drawing towards my cleavage and my favourite pair of knee high boots and I'm on my way. Pulling up to the club I see groups of drunk people, making a bee line to the bar i take a seat and order a vodka cranberry and a shot of tequila, taking the shot straight away. After a while a man comes to stand with me, he not usually my type, he's blonde and muscular he looks like he'd hurt to hug, but nevertheless I'm get to forgot so I let him lead me to the dance floor. I spin around my back to his chest, leaning forward I grind against the guy who's name I don't even know, he had his hands on my hips, suddenly they're gone, I am starting to feel the alcohol a little so I don't think anything of it until I turn to face him and it's not the guy from the bar, it's Spencer. Shocked I try to put some space between us, Spencer doesn't allow that, he pulls me flush against him, whispering in my ear " surprised to see you here. You haven't been around the past few days."
"I needed a break"
"A break from what?"
Sighing "everything"
" you want to talk about it Red?"
"What I want is to get drunk so I don't have to think about it"
"Well that I can do. Come on" he guides me back to the bar next to a tall bald attractive man.
"This is my friend Derek. Derek this is Aurora."
Shaking his hand I say "Nice to meet you"
"Pleasures all mine baby girl"
Spencer orders drinks for the three of us and we spend the next hour or so talking and laughing and I'm grateful for the distraction.
I decided I want to have another dance and drag Spencer with me. Both with the biggest smiles on our faces and laughing. As soon as we make it to the dance floor, the song changes to 'you put a spell on me' by Austin Giorgio and I can feel the mood shifts. I put my hands around his neck, his hands around my waist and we are looking in each other's eyes. As the song goes on the tension increases and increases until I can't stop myself. I don't know if it's the alcohol or just that I'm tired of fighting my feelings but I curl my fingers in his hair and bring his face down to mine, crashing our lips together, I immediately feel tingles and I never want it to end, his lips melt against mine fantastically, soft but firm and just the right amount of tongue. Pulling away i whisper "come back with me"
"Red. I wish I could. I need to make sure Derek gets home safe and you're drunk and I don't want to take advantage of that."
Pointing at Derek surrounded by a group of stunningly attractive girls "Spencer, I think he'll be okay. I am fully in control and understand what I'm asking. We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with, I just need someone to hold me tonight." I admit
"Okay Red"

Once Spencer had made sure Derek would get home safely we get into an Uber and make it back to my apartment. Walking into my bedroom I give him and oversized t-shirt "I hope you don't mind sleeping in your boxers, I don't think I own sweatpants big enough"
"don't worry about it"
I take my makeup off and get changed. Climbing into bed I cuddle up to him, I'm not sure why but he makes me feel safe and before I know it I feel tears rolling down my face.
"Woah, Red." He whispers "Why are you crying?"
I try to speak but I can't, all that comes out is a sob.
"Okay, okay, calm down angel. Deep breaths."
Looking into his eyes I calm down and cuddle closer to him. "It the first anniversary of my mothers death today"
"Oh red"
"She was the only family I had. I miss her, I miss her so much. I constantly have this pain in my chest that I don't know how to get rid of. I'm so fucked up but my mum was the only person who made me feel like I would be okay. I don't know how to do it without her."
"Will you tell me about her"
Smiling I turn to him "you want to know? Not scared off with my greatly timed breakdown"
"She was important to you, and believe it or not but you're important to me, so yes I would like to know about her"
"Her name was Emily. She was amazing, she had this smile that just one look and it would immediately make your day better. When I was younger and I'd have a nightmare, I would crawl into her bed and she would just hold me and tell me I'm safe, no one could hurt me as long as I'm in her arms. She did everything to make sure I had a normal and good life. She gave up her life, her dreams to raise me. I could never repay her."
"She sounds life a wonderful woman"
Smiling at him I say "She was. Even in her last days she would laugh and try to make me feel better even when she was the one in pain. If I cried she would tell me whenever i look up at the stars, the one shining the brightest, that's her. She will always be there for me."
"What about your dad?"
"What about him"
"What's he like"
"I don't know, not seen him since I was 10 years old. The only thing I know about him is that his name is Vincent and that I'm glad I don't know him."
"Why haven't you seen him since you were 10?"
"Because he was an abusive bastard who put my mother in the hospital too many times to count. One time he went after me. He tried to kill, said I was the reason my mum wanted to leave him. He stabbed me right here" I drag Spencer's finger under my top and over the raised scar tissue on my abdomen. After a long silence, neither of us knowing what to say next I say
"I think that's enough sharing for one night. Let's go to bed Spence."
"You called me Spence."
"Shhh I'm sleeping" he l laughs at my antics "goodnight Red." "Goodnight Spence".

Waking up in the morning, I have the worst headache from a mixture of the alcohol and my breakdown last night, I roll over and Spence is gone. I sigh disappointed but I can't blame him. I practically dumped all my baggage on him, no one would stick around after that. Getting up I walk into the kitchen and see him sat at the breakfast bar with a coffee and pushes one over to me when I approach.
"Thanks. Thought you left."
"I wouldn't have left without a cup of coffee first, that's just a recipe for a bad day"
Laughing "yeah I suppose it is, but I don't drink coffee"
"I know. That's why yours is tea"
"I hope you made it properly and not your disgusting American ways"
"My American ways? Oh so only the British know how to make tea"
"It is our specialty Sir" both laughing
We spend a little bit just sitting and talking and cuddling, and I have never felt this way before. Spence makes me feel safe and never judged and like he really wants know me. I love this feeling.
"Unfortunately, I do have to get to work. I'll see you soon Red."
"Bye Spence"