Fractured Truths | Spencer Reid

CHAPTER ELEVEN

A couple ours later I am in my room, stepping out of the shower, I hear a knock on my door. I quickly get changed and open the door. Seeing Spencer on the other side, I wait for a minute before opening the door wider and letting him in.
"Thanks." He says.
"Why are you here Spencer?" I say turning to face him
"We need to talk" I let out an amused laugh.
"I thought all the talking was done months ago."
"It isn't." After a long pause he sighs "I didn't know it was you until we got here. But I couldn't just stand there and watch up in that position again."
"So what? Exchanging my life for yours was what? A way to win my forgiveness? A way to prove something? A to win me back?"
"No it was the way to get you out. I would have done anything to get you out of that man's hand." Turning to him, my anger from before returns.
"You don't get to swap my life for yours, you don't get to do that. You don't get to break my heart and then sweep in saving the day." I yell
"And you don't get to walk away breaking my heart and expect me to stand there and do nothing when the fucking head of a terrorist organisation has the love of my life hostage!" He matches my anger.
We are now standing inches apart, breathless staring at each other, tears in our eyes, and suddenly the air shifts and we crash together in and angry and restless kiss, without thought we make our way the my bed, undressing each other as we go, by the time my back his the soft mattress I am down to my underwear, Spencer is shirtless and his belt and pants undone. I just look up at him hovering over me taking a minute to contemplate my decision "fuck it" I voice and drag him to me, starting a night full of tension-filled, passionate intimacy.

Once we have caught our breath, I sit on the edge of the bed buttoning my shirt as Spencer watches me, I turn my head slightly to look at him
"This doesn't mean anything Spencer"
"How doesn't it Aurora? We can try, we can start over, fix everything. This is our chance." He says to me in a hopeful manner. Fully turning to him,
"How are we meant to go back to what we were, how am I going to trust you after lying to me and manipulating me and using me for information for months. Besides I've moved on with my life, I've moved on from you."
"To that Special Forces guy? Really Red"
"don't call me that." I say in a pained whisper
"Aurora. You are the literal bane of my life. I can't sleep when you're not with me, even when I do, I dream of you. When I'm awake I can't concentrate on anything but you, how you are, if you will ever love someone else the way you loved me." After a long silence, I decide it's time to start healing, to start feeling again.
"I don't think I will ever be able to love someone the way I loved you. You broke my walls down before I even knew it was happening, things I never even thought about before I was wishing for, wishing for a life with you, marriage, kids, a big house to deck out with decorations for the holidays, all of it. I can't move on from you, I don't know how, part of me doesn't even want to. I don't know what to do." I finally confess
"I want that life with you, I want it all, anything you will give me, I am so sorry for not telling you the truth earlier, I wanted to, I really did. When I was first sent undercover I didn't think I would fall for you but then, after that first snarky, sassy comment in class, you were under my skin, you became the object of all my desires until I couldn't stop myself anymore. I fell in love with you more and more everyday and I will do anything to get you to forgive me, to give me, us another chance, a chance to have that life together." He moves closer towards me putting our foreheads together, we both have tears running down our faces. "I love you. I love you so much it hurts, I have been miserable these past months just wishing I could run to you, for you to hold me. I forgive you, I forgave you a long time ago but I couldn't let me self go back, I didn't know if you still wanted me after the way I walked away."
"I will always want you Red." And with that, I pick up the broken pieces of my heart and give them to Spencer. Now I just have to trust he'll put them back together and not completely shatter them.