Things in my head

13

I can see the barrel pointed at my face.
I can feel the cold sting of the metal bite at my skin, the sharp click as I push the safety off.

It's so much pain. I just want it to stop.

I don't want to die. I really don't, but it just won't stop. This seems like my only way out.

I'm tired of feeling like this, like shit. Everyday it's all I feel, every night it keeps me from sleeping. I want it to stop, I want it to go away, to leave me alone. I know there's more to life than this. I knew it when I was small. Before all this pain. When the worst was a scraped knee or a bad bruise. When happiness came freely and daily. I haven't felt that happiness in so long. There's fleeting moments from time to time when I think maybe just maybe that happiness will come back, only for the pain to return worse than before.

I can feel the cold metal bite at my temple and I just want the pain to go away.

6/4/24