Matt Sturniolo one shots

The plug

TW: Drug use, Self Harm, Anxiety.

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Matt had anxiety and he had it bad. Everyone knew about it his friends, his family and his fans. He didn't hide it necessarily he had spoken about it in multiple occasions in interviews and on his channel. Every time he talked about it freely was when he had a hold of it and when he knew he could keep it under control. Recently that wasn't the case.

Matt knew a few things that triggered his anxiety such as large crowds, confrontation and stress. He knew when he was like that to slow down, take a minute and breathe. His brothers were always so good to him in times he wasn't mentally feeling great. They would go out of their way to support and help him, which he always appreciated and it helped him take control go his anxiety.

In the past 3 months Matt had spiralled into a shell of himself. It was triggered by a video he saw on Instagram of himself on the podcast with his brothers and he made the stupid decision to read the comments. He had never seen such intense hate towards anyone let alone himself. That was the first night Matt smoked weed, despite him not wanting it to it indeed helped him.

He calmed right down but of course Matt being Matt couldn't just stop there. When he went to put the joint out he was spiralling in on himself and of course he wasn't thinking straight. He had seen online that people that were hurting mentally or struggling with anxiety sometimes hurt themselves and it helped. Matt never saw all the fuss until that night when he decided to put the joint out on his leg leaving a circular scar on his upper thigh. He remembers being so high he didn't register what he had done until the next morning when he work up groggy and with a shard pain at the top of his thigh,

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Recently his anxiety was acting up, him and his brothers filmed a car video, although nothing bad, was said, he felt a weight on his shoulders. The anxiety that led from every time he filmed a video with his brothers was indescribable. He almost could see the hate comments as he spoke, everything that came out of his mouth when they were filming was carefully thought over on once not twice but three times. This left  Matt having very minimal speaking time in their recent videos. He didn't know what to do with himself. It's almost like he didn't even know left from right.

Although usually he would bring this up to his brothers, as his anxiety grew, so did their fame when all the issues started they were at 1 million subscribers, and in the recent months, they jumped to 3 million and Matt almost felt selfish to say that he wasn't happy, and that he couldn't mentally take the stress of the channel. Even though he had all the money all the fame, he had everything him and his brothers had worked towards for the past two years. Who was he to say that he was struggling when both Nick and Chris were so happy.

Although he was ashamed of his actions Matt resorted to hurting himself. He found himself in his room with his secret stash of weed in his bedside drawer. Every second night he would find himself pulling out a joint, lighting it up with his lighter and smoking it. 

Today was a rough day they hosted a live stream and all Matt could seem to do was sit in the corner and read the comments. Saying he was too shy or too insecure. He wasn't cut out for this lifestyle him and his brothers knew it, but no one was willing to say it. 

As he smoked the joint, he felt his stress float away from him. Slowly, all the comments that were made everything that the fans said, and everything he was thinking about 24/7 wasn't playing on the front of his mind but instead, he had a moment to breathe and relax with none of his negative thoughts clouding his judgment.

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it was a colder winter night, Matt looked over at his phone 2AM. He loved this time of night it was quiet enough that everyone had gone to bed and no one as waking up any time soon. He looked out his window his gaze drifted to the joint that laid in his finger tips. He sucked in one of the last hits of his joint. His chest was filled with the all too familiar burning sensation of the weed. The feeling had now turned into second nature with his head spinning his eyes were puffed and red. Matt pulled up the left side of his boxes looking at the piles of circular shaped scars that laid on his leg. Matt breathed in pushing the join into his though letting out a breath of air with his eyes closed. Of course with the headspace he was in he didn't manage to hear the door open or the gasp that followed from his brother. 

" What the fuck?." Chris yelled running to the room. Matts reaction time delayed lazily pulling the joint away from his skin and turning his head towards the door. There he saw Chris rushing towards him franticly pulling the leftover joint away from his fingers.

"Matt your skin, stop it!" Chris discarded the joint in the bin next to Matts desk before reaching forward cupping Matts face in his hand. He looked at his brother who could just manage a lazy smile squinting his red rimmed eyes at him.

"sorry." he mumbled barely away of the destruction he was causing around himself.

"Matty what were you doing to your skin." Chris frowns trying to ease into the topic to not scare his brother off. The younger boy leans forward resting his hand on his brothers leg where at least 10 new and old burn marks are visible. Matt knows he is high and he knows what is happening is a big deal but with the state he is in he can't find it in himself to care.

"It's okay." Matt smiles looking at Chris.

"No it's not!" Chris tries finding some version of his brother that is sober but he fails when he looks to his brother and all he sees is red rimmed eyes.

"It's normal, It's okay." Matt says as if trying to convince his brother this is a usual night for him.

"It's not normal. You are high and you are hurting." Chris almost yells gesturing to his legs in the process.

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pt.2 coming tomorrow

sorry for the shorter chapter just want to get this out to you guys so I don't have to keep you waiting xx