Maybe!! Maybe Not?? (ishman/shubish)

chapter 22

The door closed with a loud bang, leaving shubman standing there alone in the balcony.

He doesn't even know for how long he stands there and watches the closed door, as if he wanted to open it and bring ishan back to him. 

All he knows no matter how hard he tries he just can't seem to run after ishan.

Shubman sinks down on his feet right on top of the cold floor, and sits with his back against glass railing with his eyes still focused on the door that closed behind ishan.

Shame.

Guit.

Regret.

Pain.

Everything bad just came crashing in at shubman, crushing him whole.

'You can never have him. You don't deserve him.'  he's hearing voices in his head.

The tears come out burning him in his own regret. Shubman let's out a sniffle when he realises he drove ishan away.

Shubman knows he should have never given in to his inner longings,  he should have known his limits, should have never hoped for more, should have stopped himself from taking more than he's allowed to take. Should have never kissed ishan.

But how can he have not given in when for the past six years he was dying to have a kiss, just a kiss and when he finally had the taste he couldn't stop himself.

Six years of waiting, dreaming- six years of just staring at ishan, admiring him from afar, acting like a fool to get his attention to see him smile.

***past***

Shubman doesn't remember how it all started, maybe it started when he liked the way his name came out of ishan's lips for the very first time.

'Shubman, nice to meet you.'

Ishan's voice was deep yet bit husky making shubman's name sound like a mantra, a mantra that had him warped around ishan with nowhere to escape not like he wants to escape.

Maybe it was when, he started to sneak into ishan's room every night.

'Just for tonight please, you know i cannot fall asleep alone.'

'That's the last time I'm letting you sleep here.'

It wasn't the last time Shubman make sure there was never a last time.

Or Maybe it was when ishan started calling him baby, darling, honey, meri jaan, babe all sorts of names making his heart go crazy.

'Goodmorning baby'

'Goodnight darling come here let's sleep'

The best mornings and nights always had ishan calling him sweet names.

Or when be started making excuses to have alone time with ishan. Taking him on long drives at night, making reservation for him and ishan only then making up a lie about how he's on a budget that's why it's only them.

'Let's sneak out, the party is boring anyways'

'Where are we going?'

'Anywhere, just you and me'

The realisation hit shubman when ishan introduced mayank as his best friend, he had been friends with maynak prior to that but something change that day.

The way mayank called ishan 'sweetheart' shubman tries to ignore it and carry on the conversation but then mayank's hand would grab ishan whenever he laughed, shubman burned holes into mayank that day with his eyes because all he can do is watch as mayank rubs ishan's shoulders right in front of him.