Home

Lesson 4: Conjugation

Nothing is making sense right now. Why does this have to be so hard??? I don't remember learning English nor Tagalog being this hard. Why do I even have to learn this? Can't they just learn how to speak English? Why am I here? Why am I doing this?

This has been happening often, recently. Sometimes when I'm on the way home, while I'm taking a shower, but most of the time, when I'm studying Korean and before I sleep. I just randomly breakdown, crying and irrationally questioning all that's happening in my life. It sometimes lasts for a few hours, just until I start having thoughts about giving up and going back home.

A lot of things have just been so stressful lately, like moving in to this new home and because of the final auditions, which is coming up in less than 2 months, we have to practice until 2am every single day. I didn't know there would be a final audition when we've already been sent here to train. But apparently, they still need to cut the number of trainees. But what stresses me out the most, still, is learning Korean. I've been reprimanded by the management a few times because my Korean is still so bad. One of the worst among all the foreign trainees. I remember last friday, JYP, himself, talked to me about it.

"Hey, Samantha, can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked, while I was practicing with my teammates. They all looked at me with a bewildered look. I ran up to him as fast as I could. I was so nervous, I could hear my heartbeat.

"Anyonghaseyo, JYP PDnim." I bowed.

He patted my head then said, "Anyonghaseyo. I see you've been practicing well. That's good cause the final auditions are coming up in a few weeks. I hope your Korean would be just as good as your dancing and singing skills when it comes. I heard you're having a hard time talking to the trainers and other staff?"

"*KR* Yes, Sir. I'm having a little trouble. But I have been practicing a lot. I swear. *KR* I promise I will work as hard as humanly possible for the final audition. I will make sure I'll debut."

"*KR*I like how determined you are and I believe in you. Keep it up, okay?*KR*" I bowed to him right before he left.

Those are the exact words that keep me going. I can't disappoint him. I can't disappoint myself.

But sometimes... I just really can't help but cry. I continued to make practice sentences while crying.

I will debut.
This house will be my home.
I will succeed.

I cried even harder at the thought of home, the comfort of it. I thought going here would be the answer to all the things I've been stressing about but I'm stressing out even more now. I haven't really been relating well with my roommates because of the language barrier. I often don't understand the jokes they make but I still laugh anyway just for the sake of being polite. Also, I'm often out practicing so I don't get to spend as much time with them. Most days, I come home to them already sleeping.

Today, I was left at home because I woke up too late for the activity. So I'm stuck here studying Korean. Which is good, actually. Cause I could really use the time.

I heard someone come up the stairs. Fuck, I think my eyes are still swollen. I grabbed my glasses and wore it so my eyes won't be too obvious. It was Jackson.

"Hey, hey, hey! Why are you here?" He quickly sat on the floor, right beside me. I tried to avoid facing him. But I was so startled, I accidentally looked at him. "Are you okay?" He added.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I woke up too late and they had to go for some kind of activity." I answered.

"You sure you're fine? Why didn't they wake you up?" He insisted.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "It's all good though, I really needed the time to study."

He pressed my shoulders onto his to comfort me. "What lesson are you studying? I remember studying Korean when I got here. I had such a hard time. Everything was soooooo confusing. I kept thinking, 'why can't they just learn English??'"

My eyes popped up, "That's what I was thinking!!! Why can't they just learn English!! It's really so confusing. I can't figure out how to conjugate the irregulars. I feel like there's so many rules to memorize! Why do irregulars have to exist??" I banged my head on the table but Jackson immediately cushioned my forehead with his hand. "Ya! Don't hurt yourself!" He shouted.

"But what can I do? I'm having my final exam in 2 weeks. I really need this." I sighed.

"Don't worry, it's gonna get easier. I'll be your tutor. I can help you get an A+." He winked.

"Oh really?" I raised my eyebrow at him.

"For sure. Wanna bet?" He raised his eyebrow back at me. I giggle cause he looked so funny.

"What do I get if I don't get an A+?"

"You'll win a date with Jackson Wang of GOT7! All expenses paid by Jackson Wang, himself." He winked at me again. This boy is too cocky.

"But I don't want that."

"What? Who wouldn't want that?" He gave me a shocked look, acting like he was hurt.

"If I don't get an A+, I want you to buy or cook my food for a day. Like whatever I want to eat for a day." I grinned."Oh and take me to Lotte world! Cause I haven't been there." I batted my eyelashes at him.

"If you get an A+, you have to be my personal assistant for 3 days. That means you have to come with me the whole time and do whatever I ask you to."

"3 days??? That's too much!" I protested.

"Alright, let's get you an A, at least. I'll make it 2 days."

"Deal!" I held out my hand for a handshake to seal the deal.

"Get ready to be my personal assistant. I'll be asking for a lot of water and I'll be asking you to wipe my sweat for me, so be ready with bottles of fiji water and hand towels. I don-" I put my index finger on his lips to shut him up.

"You don't really have to prepare a lot. You just need money for my food, maybe learn to cook chicken adobo and I hope you like riding theme park rides cause I don't like riding alone."

"Okay, let's get to work!" Jackson shouted.

Jackson was so determined to make me fluent in Korean as fast as possible. He spent most of his free time from then on to teach me. It's helped alot. Infact, today, I was able to go through our dinner conversation without having to ask someone to translate anything for me and they noticed!

"*KR* Hey Sam! Seems like your Korean has improved!*KR*" Se ho oppa told me. Everyone agreed and applauded me for it.

"*KR* Thanks to Jackson!!! *KR*" Jackson said, praising himself.

"*KR* Oh, is that why I've been seeing you guy together a lot?*KR*" Dong Wook oppa asked. Some of them thought of it in a different way and started to tease us.

"*KR* Jackson are you blushing??*KR*" Joon oppa teased. But it did look like he was blushing.

"*KR* No, it not like that! Jackson and I made a bet. He says he can help me get an A+. If he wins, I have to be his personal assistant for 2 days. If I win, he has to take me to Lotte world and buy me all the food I want for a day. It's been a week and 2 days now.*KR*"

"*KR* You have 5 days left? That's not- That's gonna be hard. *KR*" Youngji said.

"*KR* I know! I'm pretty sure I'm winning.*KR*"

"*KR* No! Hey! 5 days is enough for me to make you fluent.*KR*" Jackson bragged.

"*KR* Aren't you already fluent now?*KR*" Nana unnie asked.

"No, unnie! Not yet!" I bluffed. They noticed I was bluffing and they started to laugh.

It's been past one week and my Korean has improved a whoooooole lot, but I'm not so sure about that A in my Korean class. I'm grateful cause I got closer to my roommates though. Now, I get most of their jokes and their sense of humor. I often find myself laughing uncontrollably whenever I'm with them. They also laugh when I try to be funny, sometimes, even when I'm not trying. I realized I didn't have to change and be exactly like them to fit in. All I needed to do was to understand them.