Seductive Scars ∘ AbhiMaan ∘

-ˋˏ 2 • Armaan •ˎˊ-

❝Demise touches everyone, in diverse embraces, 

Sometimes alluring, as time sweetly erases. 

Falsehood and deception share a wicked dance,

In veins, a familiarity, a seductive trance. 

Some jest, chuckling, as they shake your core, 

Inflicting naught but a merciless heart's sore. 

Eluding them is tough, fooling, an ardent game, 

Yet undeniable, sins and secrets, passion's flame.❞

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When did I turn into the piece of shit I am right now? Pathetic. That's how I feel as the plane rumbles beneath my feet, and I shake my head slightly, waving off the flight attendant and whatever small bag of snacks she was offering me. I crack my neck to the left and right as a ding indicates the seatbelt sign is off and everyone can move about the cabin. I have no intention of getting up or doing a damn thing but sit here and try to figure out exactly where it all went wrong.

The Wi-Fi is available, and I take my time setting it up, prolonging the moment when I'll have to face the fact that she hasn't messaged me. She can yell at me, hit me, take it all out on me, but her silence last night is what kills me. Her shutting me out is something like a knife to the heart. There's no way to make it right, but I'm not letting her go.

 Abhira's mine. My wife. My love. 

And I couldn't even kiss her before leaving. She's kidding herself if she thinks I'm not coming home to her. I don't care that we're going through this, I don't care how bad our fight is or that I fucked up beyond repair. She doesn't know what happened, and I hope she never will, but that doesn't change the fact that she's mine.

I clear my throat and clench my teeth as the plane rumbles again, reminding me that she's miles and miles away. Reminding me that I left her again. I can't bring myself to feel like I deserve her forgiveness. Like I deserve her at all. The guilt is all-consuming, and now I'm trapped in a corner, desperately looking for a way out of the mess I've gotten myself into.

My computer pings as the plane continues to fly across the ocean, taking me farther away from her, and I lean forward to check it. 

I'm quick to do it too, praying it's Abhira. 

Praying's never helped me before, and sure enough, it didn't this time either. It's just Rohit, my boss, and Ruhi's now ex. My teeth grind against one another as I read the message. It's the schedule for the rest of the day and my room number for the hotel. But it feels like a slap in the face. I can't keep this up and live each day as if nothing's happened. Pretending like nothing's changed.

My head pushes into the seat as I take a calming breath. Stuck between a rock and a hard place is an inadequate saying. 

I'm fucked. 

Just waiting for them to pick, pick, pick away at me while I have my hands tied behind my back.

Only years ago, I loved my life. 

This is what I wanted more than anything. On the outside, it's glamorous. I'll be staying at a five-star resort, partying with celebrities, and having every sinful pleasure at my fingertips. That's what a life of avoiding prison has given me. 

I protect the clients from any bad press, keep charges from sticking, and avoid any altercations that could lead to something ... unwanted. And in return, I'm paid generously and live the high life.

I didn't sign up for this though, but I sure as fuck cashed every check along the way. My email beeps, and it's another message from Rohit, as if confirming this is exactly what I signed up for. It's what I asked for. Let me know when you land. That's all the email says.

I clear my throat as my hand balls into a fist, and I run the rough pad of my thumb over my knuckles slowly. I can see my reflection in the screen as I do, the scowl, the dark circles under my eyes. 

The anger. 

When I was younger, this was all I wanted. I basically get paid to party and live in a perpetual state of drunkenness. I lived for the thrill.

Abhira used to love it too. Years ago, when we first met and things were different. I glance at the empty seat to my left and picture her. She used to play with the buckle on every flight. Unbuckle, buckle, unbuckle, buckle. I thought it was a nervous habit at first, but it was just due to the excitement. 

She loved coming with me to events. It was what we did together. Back when everything was the way it was supposed to be. 

Back when life was less complicated. 

Back when we were kids and I didn't realize that life was going to catch up to me.

A huff of a sigh leaves me as I shift in my seat and look back to my computer. 

I click over to the flight tab and see there are four hours remaining until we'll land in London. Four hours to sit in silence and remember each and every moment that I fucked up. Every step that I took that led me to this very hour.

I turned thirty-two four months ago, but I'm living the same life I had when we were in our twenties. 

She's the one who changed. 

But I'm the one who screwed up. 

I run a hand down my face, trying to get the images out of my head. 

She can never know, but I was a fool to think I'd hidden it from her. 

There's no way out of this. 

How can she love me when she knows I'm lying to her?

 How can she forgive me for a sin she has no idea I've committed? 

How can I keep her when I don't deserve her?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I'm eager to hear your thoughts on the latest chapter. I noticed only a few comments on the previous one, so I'm really hoping for some honest feedback this time around! <3