Son Of Hades

I'm Sorry A/N

Hey guys as the title says I am sorry. Don't worry I'm not going on hiatus or discontinuing I've just been extremely busy with school at home and relationship-wise. Whenever I have time I will try to update. With school and track season coming to indoor conferences, there is not much time these days. Plus I've been dealing with relationship struggles. Just know I'm still writing just need to find time.

This is weird I always wanted to write and I used to have time it's just hard to make time these days. I am also struggling with motivation. I'm dealing with depression bipolar and minor insomnia. It has been a rough few weeks of just no stopping. Being happy is hard lol I try to find motivation and joy however everything just seems so bleak these days.

Note this part is a little bit of a rant it's just been my thoughts recently I like being open about my feelings maybe I can help others understand they're not alone.

MENTIONS OF SUICIDE!

Love- Love It's such a complicated feeling I want to give her my everything after all she is my everything I love her so much but does she want me? I don't know I hope so being without her is like being without air I don't feel the same she makes me feel things that I've never felt before. Re awakened something I was so afraid of that I let it go dormant. She made me realize I can be loved maybe I am worth it. I just hope she loves me as much as I love her. I love her so much.

Confused- Why does everything in life have to be so complicated? Like why can't I go to her house pick her up and just like take her on dates? Cuddle, kiss, have fun, hold her, and just be with her happy. Why does my Father, God have to make it so much harder? why does he make it almost impossible? I love God but sometimes I feel like he's just laughing at my misery.

Sadness- I feel like I am watching my world fall apart and crumble around me. I can't breathe, I can't hear I can't see. I feel nothing except this empty feeling. The feeling of being useless. I can't be with the girl that I would give my life to. Maybe I am better off dead. The world doesn't need a useless waste of space that is me. I want to give her all my love but how can I? When I don't even love myself? I want to be with her but does she wanna be with me? Am I too annoying? Too clingy? Am I the problem? yes, to all of those I am the reason she's suffering and I can't do anything to help. I'm useless... useless, useless useless that's me the hopeless boy who only hurts the people I love. Maye, I truly am better off dead.

Hate- Why does something have to be wrong with me? What if I choose to feel nothing because it's better than being in pain? What if being dry, numb, and cold is my comfort shield for me to stay and not be in so much pain? Everything is wrong with me. My family hates me. I have no friends. My teachers think I'm annoying and want me out. My family doesn't accept me. I push myself for others' satisfaction without caring about myself I break myself for others even if it hurts me. I've lost everyone that's ever said they'd stay here. I'm scared, scared of getting too attached. I was scared of being hurt. I was scared of being alone. I hate myself, I bottle everything up. and then when it bursts I cry alone, I'm in pain alone I'm always alone. I hate my smile, I hate my laugh I hate my eyes, I hate my eyebrows, I hate my personality. Everything about me I hate. I shouldn't be here. The world... it would be better if I killed myself. Or if I wasn't born. I want to see my mom, I want her to love me. Because nobody else cares about me. If dying is the only way to see her up there then so be it. My family makes fun of my mental health and says it's a joke. How am I supposed to be ok? When I can't control my emotions. How am I supposed to be okay when I hate everything that is me? I am truly a broken man.

-Jayden