Dear Ethan: A Second Chance Romance

Chapter 6: Core Memory

[This Kiss - Faith Hill] 

*Jodie*

"Do you always go over to Sam's house after school?" Asked Ethan as we walked home. His tall frame made me feel tiny but in a good way. It had rained earlier so Ethan had an umbrella in one hand as we walked.

"Usually. It beats going home." I hated being home. Especially now that Landon and Mom were fighting like crazy. Ever since he got expelled she's been screaming at him to at least get a job and do something with his life. Being caught up in their screaming matches made me want to melt right into the ground and disappear forever.

"I feel you," he said quietly. Cars slid by on the roads as we walked in silence. The sky looked bleak today. It was that point of the year when the weather would slowly take a turn and become more unpredictable before the snow came.

"You never told me about your dad. Does he live with you too?" I asked. Ethan mentioned his mom a few times but I hadn't heard anything about his dad.

He went quiet for a moment. "It's complicated."

I nodded, and we fell back into a comfortable silence. I had a million questions but I didn't want to pry when it felt so personal.

"You don't have to tell me, I get it," I reassured him. He let out a long exhale, shaking his head.

"They've been separated for a while. Sometimes I wish they would just go ahead and get a divorce. Make it more final you know? Separated feels like this weird in-between state." He said softly.

He looked like he was struggling to say something as we walked along the path.

"Does that make me sound like a bad guy? Saying I wish they would get a divorce?" He gave me a half-hearted smile.

I shook my head furiously, my ponytail bouncing around. "No, not at all. Sometimes I wished my parents got a divorce."

"They're still together?" I winced at that word. Together. Fat chance.

"It's just my mom and my brother now. My dad left a few years ago and never came back. I think sometimes she thinks he's still going to show up at our doorstep one day. She just ends up drinking a lot and getting angry and sad about it. It's really hard to watch."

His gaze turned serious. "I have an uncle like that. Alcohol can do that to you." I curled up my hands into fists, feeling my heartbeat quicken at the memory of glass bottles shattering against the wall, the color red blossoming on my palm. Blood dripped down onto the living room carpet. You could never quite get those stains out. Forget the look on someone's face when they were lost to rage.

"That's why I never plan to drink. Ever. I don't like the way it changes people." The words came out a bit harsh as I struggled to breathe out.

"Does she ever hit you?" He said it so quietly that it felt like a whisper.

I felt my eyes sting before I blinked away the tears. I wanted to say 'sometimes' because 'all the time' felt too sad. Like I was a charity case. She would shout and scream at Landon but she usually took it out on me since Landon was bigger and stronger.

And I was just a girl. Tiny. I could claw back but at the end of the day, I was easy prey. Landon usually slipped out the window when she was in one of her moods but I felt like I could never leave.

Like all my exits were bolted shut.

I shrugged, looking away. "The world's a tough place sometimes," I said I wanted to leave it at that. I didn't want Ethan to see this side of me. The unlovable parts that I hid from the world. A long silence fell between us as the sky darkened.