Dear Ethan: A Second Chance Romance

Chapter 8: Winter Break

[Wide Awake - Katy Perry]

*Jodie*

Our breaths came out in white puffs as Ethan and I walked, crunching snow under our boots.

He had on a new-looking blue coat with a fur hood. Next to my old winter jacket, I felt kind of shabby.

A couple of guys walking by shout out Ethan's name. He waved back. He had already become one of the most popular seniors in school eclipsing even Shane's status.

We talked a bit about his football practice and my upcoming swim meet before falling into companionable silence.

"You seem like you have a lot on your mind," He said, looking down. The snow fell earlier in the morning and some of the streets hadn't been plowed yet. We stomped carefully trying to avoid the slushy bits.

"I'm just not really looking forward to the holidays." All day at school everyone was talking about the cool things they were doing during winter break. Some were going to ski resorts or heading to Florida to visit relatives. Others were doing fun things like going ice skating and hanging out with their boyfriends. But for me, it was just going to be more time at home. Sam was going to go visit her grandparents so it meant I had nowhere else to go. Nowhere to hide.

"Are you spending it with your brother?" Ethan knew about Landon but he clearly had no idea what he was like.

"Landon's been MIA for a long time. He comes and goes as he pleases." I said, hating how bitter my voice sounded. Another silence fell over us as cars slowly made their way through the roads.

"Maybe we can time travel to the New Year. Forget all this holiday stuff." He said wistfully, looking up at the sky. I turned to look at him.

"Are you seeing your dad for Christmas?" His face darkened.

"He's planning to come by for a few days but to be honest I feel more anxious than excited about seeing him. He's been gone for about 6 months. He hardly calls or anything." Ethan's tone didn't change but his eyes hardened as we trudged forward, wind blowing in our faces.

"My mom got a Christmas tree yesterday. She wants us all to decorate it tomorrow and get in the festive mood." He said the last part using air quotes.

"I wish we had a tree. We don't even bother putting ours up anymore." That only happened when my dad was around. He was the one that got excited about having it up in the first place. Our decorations were probably somewhere in a box in the garage if my mom hadn't already thrown them away.

"You should at least put up a stocking. You never know, maybe Santa Claus will swing by." He said, smiling down at me. His cheeks were a little red in the cold, the tip of his nose pink.

I reached up on my tippy toes and pinched his nose with my hand. "Ow! What was that for?" He said, yelping in surprise, laughing. I pretended to be annoyed with him. Not wanting him to know that I just wanted to touch him all the time. Squeeze him like he was mine.

"I'm too old to believe in Santa Claus. And if a man ever came down the chimney I would probably sock him in the face."

I spent most of the winter break in my room with my headphones on. Landon had a huge music collection so I went into his room to borrow a few CDs. Grunge, punk, rock and roll. I selected Jaguar Stone's greatest hits album and blasted that until my eardrums ached. My stomach growled.

I crept down the stairs. My mom was asleep on the couch. An empty bottle on the floor. I walked over and threw the bottle in the trash, feeling furious all of a sudden. I hated living like this. All we had in the refrigerator was some moldy cheese, peanut butter, and an open box of baking soda. Screw Landon for leaving me like this. I grabbed my coat and keys, slamming the door shut, not caring if I woke her up.