Dear Ethan: A Second Chance Romance

Chapter 33: Thankful

*Ethan*

My mom's round face filled the computer screen and immediately my chest swelled. She looked the same but she had more gray in her hair than the last time I saw her.

Jodie sat next to me. I could tell she was nervous even though she didn't really show it. I introduced mom to Jodie. Her face lit up and they immediately started talking about Jolene. How many things have changed there.

I turned to look at Jodie. "We should go back and visit sometime." She shrugged before changing the topic.

While they talked I walked over to take the turkey out of the oven. It had been cooking for a while and all the delicious smells enveloped the kitchen. It was golden brown, the skin crispy with juices running all over it. I placed it next to the gravy Jodie was working on before joining them again.

We were hoping to have my mom and Mason over for Thanksgiving but with distancing measures in place, we had to settle for an online catch-up instead. We chatted for a bit before Jodie left to finish making dinner. I went upstairs and switched over to Facetime instead.

My mom greeted me with one of her looks. Uh oh.

"How have you two been getting along?" She asked pointedly as I closed my bedroom door.

We had been living together for almost five months and it was the best five months of my life. Even though it wouldn't last forever. 

A twinge of sadness came over me when I thought about Jodie not being around anymore, puttering around the kitchen in her pajamas, falling asleep on the couch while wearing a face mask.

I found myself missing her like crazy even if I was gone for only a few hours.

"It's been great. She makes this house feel more like a home." I was grateful for that. Living in a big house by yourself was nice at first but then it left me feeling hollow. But now Jodie's presence was everywhere. Every room radiated with life, little knick-knacks and heirlooms she collected over the years. It warmed up the space, and made it feel special.

My mom's eyes watched me carefully.

"Meeting again for a second time. You two are very lucky."

I nodded. It was. All these years later...I wouldn't have believed it either. But yet here she was.

At first, it was just great to reconnect with her but now it felt more like I was giving a second chance. All those accidental run-ins last year. It felt like fate, we were two people being pushed together despite the circumstances. And it felt good being near her. It felt right.

"So does this mean I'm getting grandchildren soon?"

I flushed. We hadn't put into words what we were yet but at the same time, dating didn't seem like the right word either. It felt too simple for what I felt. It felt bigger than that but putting it into words scared me. It meant that there was something at stake. Something worth losing.

"Mom I care about her but I don't want to make the wrong move." A misstep meant that it would crumble before it truly began. Things would turn sour. She would leave.

"Why do you think that way?" I shrugged. There were so many things I wanted to say but I didn't want to hurt her by bringing up the past.

Her face softened. "You know, when your dad and I got a divorce, your brother took it very hard. I spent a lot of time making sure he was okay. But I should have checked in more with you too."

I felt the lump grow in my throat and my chest grew tight. The memory of their hushed fights late at night crept back into my mind.

We had spent so much time being the perfect family until we weren't. Until lawyers got involved and he left officially, leaving behind a razor and a toothbrush that I immediately chucked into the garbage.

I had gone to therapy right after to deal with all the emotions I was feeling. It helped but it took a while to feel OK again.

"I don't want to start something and have it not work out."

I was scared. That wasn't something I wanted to readily admit.

"My sweet boy, not all relationships work out the way you expect them too. It doesn't mean you stop trying."

"What if it's not enough?" On the field I knew giving my all would deliver results. If I trained and worked hard enough, I truly believed we could be the best. That no one could outplay us. That we could win. 

But with Jodie, I felt uncertain. I knew she had feelings for me too but I didn't want to date and then call it quits. I wanted this to last. And if it didn't, I don't know if I could recover.

"If you believe hard enough, you'll give it wings. Have some faith."

I swallowed hard, looking out at the window. We were still waiting for the first fall of snow.

Before we hung up and said goodbye, my mom left me with some advice. "The worst thing in life is not failure, it's regret." 

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