Dear Ethan: A Second Chance Romance

Chapter 35: Therapy

*Jodie*

I was hiding under the blankets when Sam visited, knocking on the bedroom door. She came in silently and laid down next to me in bed. I nodded along while she updated me about the bakery, making the appropriate noises until she fell silent again.

"Have you thought about taking some time off?"

"Do I look that broken?"

"When my grandparents died I did therapy for a few years." I lifted the sheet to look at her calm face. "You never told me about that." She shrugged, looking at the ceiling. 

"It helped a lot to process my feelings." Her face crumpled suddenly as if she was in pain. I reached for her, alarmed. Sam never cried. She sobbed quietly into my shoulder as we held onto each other. She hiccuped, wiping away the tears with the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry. I should have done more to help you when it all started."

"We were just kids."

We held each other tightly until I couldn't tell where her tears ended and where mine began.

"Jodie, don't shut us out," Sam said before leaving.

I wouldn't. They didn't deserve that.

-

*Ethan*

She had good and bad days. On the bad days, I knew to leave her alone. Sometimes I would see her come down late at night but she stopped cooking for a bit and just slept. I ordered her favorite takeout and tried not to take it personally when she ate alone in the guest room.

The pool was empty and looked forlorn without her in it. I put the board games away, sweeping up all the scattered tiles. 

Sometimes she would come down when I was watching a movie and ask me what I was watching but she didn't join me. I watched her go up the stairs again, slipping away and closing her door shut. Sometimes she would play music but most of the time it was silent.

On her good days, I would be able to make her smile. A ghost of a smile. But a smile still. I joked that it was a daily game for me. To get her to smile no matter what the cost. Even if I had to make a fool of myself. She shook her head, hair falling in her face, grimacing. She stopped straightening her hair and her curls returned. I wanted to touch her so badly. But I could tell she wasn't ready so I held back.

My therapist said respecting boundaries was important. That those who were grieving needed time to process. That grief doesn't always come all at once but in waves.

She didn't come into my room and I didn't go into hers. She had never been sensitive to touch before but now I felt her stiffening up when I tried to hug her. It made my heart twist in a way that I've never felt before.

But I didn't care how long it would take. I was determined to wait.

I watched her go again. Pretending to be happier than I was so I could help her out of the darkness.

Come back to me.

-

*Jodie*

The therapist wore red frames and a calm way of speaking. I plugged in my laptop and took the session in the guest bedroom. Ethan was usually in the gym around this time in the afternoon so I felt better about knowing he wouldn't come in.

Although he never did. Instead of barging in he gave me space when I was upstairs, checking in now and then but always staying by the doorway never crossing the threshold unless I told him it was okay.