in the end

chapter 10

Lilly's pov

In classes I was ahead so I was reading. Mat asked me for help and I put my book down and helped. I'm screaming inside. What is happening I don't put my book down ever not even for Mia, Jay, or Kade. What the f*ck.

He wasn't looking at the work at all he was looking at me. He kept trying to make me laugh but he didn't even have to try. I don't know why but when I'm around him I feel like I can be myself. Ugh why do I feel this way. I wonder what he thinks about everything that has happened.

I've gone through a lot recently but I can't let that get the best of me. School went by quickly but I agreed to help Mat study after school so we went to the library. We sat and studied for a while before I opened my bag and saw a razor blade. I grabbed it so he wouldn't see. "I'm going to the restroom I'll be right back" he looked up and said "ok I'll be here".

I went in the bathroom and sat on the counter. "Deep breaths Lilly it's ok" I repeated multiple times. I blinked and there was pain in my arm. As I looked down "f*ck I did it" blood runs down my arm and I make more cuts. I can't stop I want everything that has happened to go away. I sit there crying and shoving the blade into my arm.

Mat knocked on the door "princess are you ok in there" I was crying to muoto answer. "Im coming in Lilly" he opened the door and walked in. "Lilly" he seemed shocked and worried "no Lilly no" I pushed harder. He grabbed my hand and threw the razer blade. He picked me up and he sat where I was and put me in his lap.

He took paper towels and put it on my arm applying pressure. "Princess" I looked up at him "why " when I finally got the courage to talk I replied " it makes everything feel numb no more pain ". He looked worried and he hugged me tightly. " Lilly no" his words struck me to my core. He only calls me Lilly if he means it.

"I'm a f*cking failure Mat" " no no no Lilly don't say that" "why not" "your ahead in everything you kind and caring you have the biggest heart and your being drug through sh!t that no one can imagine and you still show up to school happy and positive yeah you have scares but they make you Lilly your smart and I know you will get through this princess " I couldn't help but smile how do you not to that. I think he noticed cuz he pulled me close. " Come on we have to finish studying " we went back out and cleaned up and headed home.

Right as I was walking away to go to my house I remembered" oh Mat I'm baby sitting your sister tomorrow " he looked at me" oh cool I have practice so if I don't see you that's why" .
I turned back towards my house and started to walk again. " Lilly wait" I turned around and ran and hugged him. I ran and hugged Mat. He hugged me back " thank you Mat thank you for everything " we broke apart and went to our house.

I couldnt sleep that night just thinking of the advents from today. " Ugh I'm falling for him" I knew I was but that's the first time I've admitted it myself. But I'm in a relationship with Issac at least I think. I don't actually know if he's ok or not. I hope not though he's a b!tch. I did end up falling asleep watching my favorite movie.

I feel bad for Lilly but they're so freaking cute anyways here's Lilly.