Love Me Again

Chapter 6

Cassandra's POV

Mahabang katahimikan ang namayani sa aming dalawa. Hinayaan niya akong kumalma ng tuluyan. Then, with a voice filled with warmth, he reached out and gently pierced the heavy silence.

"Talk to me, Cassandra. Tell me what's weighing on your heart?" he coaxed gently.

Hindi ako makapag-salita. I don't know where to start or what to tell him. Hell, I don't even know if I should tell him anything. Kapag sinabi ko sa kanya ang nagpapabigat sa kalooban ko, mas lalo lang magiging awkward ang sitwasyon naming dalawa.

He probably have sensed my hesitation as he started running his fingers through my hair reassuringly. "I understand it's hard." he whispered. "I know nothing yet so I have no idea if I could be of help or not, but sometimes, sharing the burdens in your heart helps para gumaan kahit papaano ang pakiramdam mo. Let it out, Cassandra. Let me share the load with you, hmm?" he encouraged with a gentle nudge.

I took a deep breath, the words spilling out in a rush, along with the tears in my eyes. "I feel so fucking tired, James. Tired of love. Tired of life. Tired of everything. My heart feels like it's been through a grinder. Once, I felt so numb that I became apathetic, literal na wala akong maramdaman emotionally and just going through the days, losing bits and pieces of myself along the way. For two freaking years, I've been living like that."

I paused. My voice softened to a hush. Here goes nothing, Cassandra.

"And then there's you. After living like a dead person, nagising nalang ako isang araw from a dream about you. And it wasn't just a one-time thing. Since then, you have invaded my dreams every fucking night, it's already frustrating. All these emotions I thought I'm no longer capable of feeling are resurfacing. Longing, jealousy, pain. Parang may nabukas na water dam at hindi ko na maisara. I don't regret the choices I made in the past, James. Don't get me wrong, I'm really sorry for the pain it caused you when I chose my freedom, but I have no regrets. I was able to explore and know more about myself. That doesn't mean wala na akong pinanghihinayangan, though. Now, more than ever, sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, the sense of loss, for what could've been, or for what I've had to let go, it's all crashing back, breaking me further. I don't want these feelings anymore, James. Pagod na pagod na ako. I'm a mess, mentally and emotionally, that I'm struggling to keep myself together." I sobbed, the words barely a whisper.

Third person's

James took a moment, the echo of Cassandra's confession resonating in the depths of his heart—a heart that still held a tender spot for the one he thought he'd lost. His eyes, stormy with emotion, betrayed the turmoil within.

"Cassandra," he began, his voice a mix of tenderness and raw pain, "Fuck! I--I'm...I don't know. To say I'm surprised is an understatement..." he paused, his voice a mere whisper.

"You don't have to say anything. Getting this off my chest to you, kagaya ng sinabi mo, is more than enough." she interjected, her voice quivering, fearing she might not withstand the weight of what she might hear next nor the pain laced in his voice.

They let another minute of silence before James gave a small, pained shake of his head. What he just learned is tearing him apart. Feeling Cassandra's pain, it's like revisiting old scars he thought had healed. Pero hindi niya iyon maisatinig sa dalaga. Ramdam niya ang pagod at sakit na nararamdam nito at ayaw niya na iyong dagdagan pa.

Gently, he tilted her face up to meet his. His eyes, so often a window to his soul, now revealed the depth of his inner struggle that he failed to mask. Seeing this, Cassandra's heart felt like it was shattering all over again and another batch of tears welled in her eyes. "I'm sorry," is all she could say, feeling a twinge of guilt in her heart.