THE CUT

being in a relationship is not going to suddenly fix him

14

Any free time I've had, I spend with Rafe. Still, nobody knows. Sometimes, I hate keeping such a large secret. Other times, I'm perfectly okay with it. But, it isn't always easy being with Rafe. Especially when he's high or drunk, which is nearly every weekend now. Even some weekdays.

I've asked him what's going on that makes him party so hard, but he won't say. He distracts me with a kiss or changes the topic. I know he's hurting, but I can't figure out why he won't tell me.

"It's just a lot," I tell him. "You know, with the coke and the drinking and partying. Doesn't Topper say anything?"

Rafe shrugs. "He does all that stuff with me," he says. "You've done it with me. Remember? The boat party?"

Yeah, yeah. I remember it. But that was fine. It was one time, it was the beginning of Summer. I've always known Rafe loves to party. I'm just seeing it up close a lot these days.

***

I've come to the Cameron's house to spend time with Sarah when Ward catches us sitting on the floor of the living room. I haven't seen him since he caught me and Rafe in his bed that morning. I've worried he would punish Rafe for my uninvited stay.

He stops in the doorway and asks us what we're doing. Sarah tells him we're playing cards since it's raining out.

"Or else, we'd be by the pool," she says.

"Can I see you in my office?"

Sarah starts to get up.

"Not you."

Sarah and I look at each other. Ward lingers until I'm on my feet. I follow him down the hall, from a distance, listening to the creaks in the hardwood flooring. I feel like I'm being summoned to the principal's office—a place I've never been.

He lets me in first then gently shuts the door. "What's going on between you and Rafe?"

"Oh, the other night, I just ended up staying over. I didn't–"

"Not that. I mean, in the long run. You've been by his side nearly all Summer."

Ward is calm as he settles into his chair behind his mahogany desk. He tells me to sit, and I do, even though I want to run.

"I was surprised," he says. "When I opened my son's door and saw him clinging onto you. I'm not even going to ask you whether you slept over. But, look." His voice lowers. "Rafe shouldn't be seeing anybody right now. I'm sure you're aware of his substance issues. And I'm sure you're also aware that they're getting worse. Being in a relationship is not going to suddenly fix him."

"I didn't think it would."

He sits back in his chair and smiles tautly at me. "Then what are your intentions?"

"Just being there for him."

Ward lets out a sharp laugh. "And you did that by crawling into bed with him?"

My face grows hot. "No."

He raises his eyebrows at me over his glasses.

"Of course not."

Ward stares at me, long enough to almost make me crack.

"You've hit Rafe," I say.

His expression doesn't falter. If he's surprised by my response, it doesn't show.

"What do you want?" he asks.

"You know how I know?" I lean towards him. My hands and voice shake, but I'm so angry, I go on, anyway. "Because I was there. I was in Rafe's bathroom. You came in looking for drugs. You knew he had some. You said you knew. And when you found them, you hit him. Not once, but twice. It was your excuse. You're not gonna kick him out. You're not gonna make him leave—you need him. You need him to take all of your anger out on."